What prevents us to change and establish a relationship with a partner

Often reaching stalemate, when the couple is rapidly moving along a path leading to rupture, man or woman, or both are trying to do something about them "urgent" change.

Start walking on the training, ask the advice of friends and girlfriends, read relevant literature, to start a "new life."

As a result, someone turns to change and develop their relationship, while others do not reach anything, and relations remain at the same level or even fall apart.

Let's look at why this is happening.

  1. You just pretend that I, are creating for themselves the illusion of change, you start to believe in it and wait for a miracle. But the miracle did not happen. And it will not happen as long as you do not begin to act, you start step by step to change old habits with new ones, to control themselves, evaluate and seek to remedy. Do not lose the enthusiasm, sincerely wishing to learn new behavior, new habits, change your life and the life partner for the better.
  2. to Wrong motivate themselves. Before the changes, ask yourself - and why do I need it? What's in it for me? For whom am I doing this?

    If you say that you are doing it for its second half, to save the family, for the children, so that parents do not worry, it was not a shame to the neighbors, and so on - the answer is wrong. All of the changes sought by the people, it should only be for the sake of a loved one. It was then that these changes will be qualitative.

    After trying to change for the sake of someone else, you are contradicting yourself, you are playing an uncharacteristic role, aiming to foreign ideals. As a result, even reaching certain changes, you will not experience them satisfaction. After all, your changes can not be fully assessed, they simply can not see, take it for granted, do not evaluate your strength and energy spent. After all, you of these changes no one ordered, and thus raskhvalyat you for them no one is going. What did you feel then? Annoyance? Offense? Injustice? And in the end? Throw it like a thankless job.

    If you start to change for its own sake, and then you will achieve results faster. After all, you always notice a change even the smallest and can praise yourself for a small victory. And this is the best incentive for a bolder move forward. After all, when we begin to change the world around us is also changing.

  3. Strive to reach the finish line too fast. Any change requires some time and effort. When you are on the path of change, do not expect rush along this road with the wind speed, but on the contrary, you will climb up it at a snail's pace.

    And that's fine. After those settings, habits, behaviors with our soul mate, which have developed in us over the years, it is impossible to change one flick of the wrist. It takes time. And sometimes considerable. Therefore, tune in to a long work on yourself and enjoy even the smallest achievements.

  4. Frequently you give yourself slack. If you are on the path of change - do not back! Sometimes it is very difficult to force yourself to act in a new way. Someone missing for a week, someone in two, and then give yourself slack - "I'll do it tomorrow, today is not the mood at me", "today I povorchu him a warning, and then again become a cute cat" "Just think, he was offended, I will fix this tomorrow", "today I let bad thoughts rush into my head, but tomorrow will definitely be the most optimistic."

    As a result of doing so, one, two - and tomorrow never arrives. We need systemic changes. Only then will benefit from them.

  5. You have the wrong emotional state. Change your words, thoughts, desires and actions. Remove from the speech turn the particle "no", it does not perceive nor our brain or surrounding the brain. Therefore, all the sentences in which you use the particles are not perceived by our subconscious mind with the opposite meaning (for example, convince yourself, "I'm not lazy" - our brain hears: "I'm lazy" and you get lazy more; ask for drinking husband, "do not drink" - he hears "to drink" and on an unconscious level, wonders why you are unhappy, and so on).

    Think positively, much to be desired, praise yourself and your mate. Once you begin to think correctly, and learn to speak properly, with the new "positive" charge.

  6. in your pair there codependency each other. Codependent relationships - is such a relationship in which the partners do not live their lives, they live each other's lives. Shift the responsibility for their lives, feelings, sensations in the life of another and waiting to see what the man himself to fix it. Will take over the obligation to eradicate the problems of life, change and improve relations.

    But because both partners feed off itself like an illusion in their lives in the end nothing changes. According to sociologists, codependency affects about 90% of people. And if you specifically want something really changed in themselves or in their relations in the pair - begin to act on their own. Without waiting for the actions of the partner.

  7. Maybe you just are not sure that the man who is now next to you - the same. If deep down you feel that next to you is not quite the man next to whom you want to grow old, that he was the only one, if you do not experience deep feelings - all attempts at change will be in vain. As you have no inner willingness to accept this man as his own, to take his identity. And subconsciously, even trying to change, you will do all dependent and independent of you, not to change. Your soul will be present internal protest against change for the sake of the man. And if so, in you there will be no internal energy changes for the implementation of conceived. Rather, an internal protest will take away from you that energy. You can even feel extreme fatigue, lethargy, and weakness.

On the basis of all the above, I would like to add:

having decided to change something in your life - go for it!

Do not fall back, even if something is not fused. Look for the causes of your failures and you approach the process of change on the other side. And, most importantly, be sure that your efforts will reward!