A trap for itself - depending on the assessment of others

assess Fear me around crushes, locked in a cage, often in the literal sense of the word does not move.

This is the text - the reasoning of the mechanism, which is triggered when we are trying to earn the correct assessment of the other .

Did you notice how much changing attitude to you or to other people when there is a chance to know a person closer?

When we first met, not even acquainted, and collision, we always refer new people to some of its own internal category.

Has not asked did not know anything about the person, nothing yet, we have not heard that, and as he says, has not even really looked at how moving, how the expression on his face becomes under different situations.

But it is important to reward the man some called, to make sure that it matches some familiar to us caste.

Even if I hear from someone that he was not inclined to put the stamps, he does not like to generalize, and eager to see what he and the other, a real - I do not believe. Because the first moment of this step, which is called "an impression of a man", enables us to feel safer with him.

Just because he now seemed to become more predictable for us. Clearly, what exactly can not be expected, and that it is necessary, in our opinion (and experience) to occur.

Yes, then, if allows the courage and wisdom, you can try to postpone the drawn image - to really see who is in front of me. Only then comes the moment when it becomes possible to a real meeting of two people, not two stamped mannequins. And it happens only if both you and the object of study itself ready to open as much as possible in the first attempts to communicate. Open both have, yes. Otherwise, the picture is quite blurry. How would you try not to know close person, without opening itself, the focus will not succeed. At least because to know the other can only be the soul, feelings, sensations - the brain in the last turn to sum up, this is usually referred to comprehend. And it will have it (the soul, feelings, sensations) open towards a man nearby.

Now, about a logical trap, in which we find ourselves trying to meet the expectations of others

or trying to earn the "correct" assessment of them.

  • On the one hand, we all share the desire to gain approval from others. It's nice, it adds strength, it can increase the degree of confidence and much more to give.
  • On the other hand, being in constant "capture" of others' expectations - that is, those cliches that we have managed to hang on for the first moment - we are gearing up for maintenance. We are starting to work on this picture (or the one that seems to us, hanged us - here and mistakes often happen).

    But in the end, even the person next to no chance to know we have this.

And if this relationship could theoretically be valuable for us - a scenario unfolding is not favorable.

I enter into communion in the mask, which seemed to me to be interested in your opponent.

I look forward to a positive assessment. And maybe even get it. Approval, acceptance, intimacy, support. Just whom it is all directed?

On me?

Or on the picture, which I was able to show properly?

And I'm where? And when my support, love and warm will be?

And will not, because You present no one knows. And at some point I even understand it. And to show themselves true - oh, how terrible it is now. What if the same positive assessment does not get? And I continue to go to the second-third-fourth circle of hell. Again and again, showing that, as he was originally thought to be made correctly.

I put in a relationship, but I can not get the. And not because they do not give. And because it does not give me a picture, a mask, a stamp, which I also support in every possible way, to invest the time.

And most of all at this point I would like to blame my partner in hardness, is that he does not seek me learn and understand that there is no intimacy, that does not give anything in return.

But you can still take a chance and show himself.

And remember to start - and what am I?