How often do we admit someone to love?
And that, in fact, put in these words?
What do these words mean to you?
Words: "I love you" ???
Why do we react to this phrase when it hear from a loved one?
Almost every one of us the words "I love you" have almost magical significance. We have heard these declarations of his adult life in the unconscious - and even more frequently when they were in the unconscious, and the mother said this Pope, and the Pope mother. When my mother, stroking his belly, to contact us, and we were in there, and nothing it does not understand, but after the body experiences a surge of pleasure hormones. So we soaked Love, or rather, the state in which we love even in the perinatal period ...
When a child is born, he begins to attract attention as a separate figure, and not as a part of the mother ... And then the words "I love you, my good" intertwined with the state, radiating the Love, through the feelings and experiences. The child begins to see - but what about love, with what feelings ...
And now, as adults, we have ourselves can say the magic words "I love you." And how much tenderness, care, attention, warmth we put into one sentence, how many feelings and colors, we are bringing to the man.
But there is one underlying reason.
The context of the words and the words Child Adult qualitatively different from each other.
Child, saying: "I love you" as if to say - I am grateful to you, but I need you like a child needs its parents.
And this love we often found among adults, yet it is called Jealousy, which means: "You belong only to me!". And if the context is different from the reality, that is, when such love takes adult female or male adult, these relations become painful. In their second partner has to choose: either to accept the highlighted role of "parent" in a supposedly dating relationships, or to break this pattern "parent - child". But in any case the other partner here has to agree with the sense of guilt that arises in exchange for a separation from a partner. "I can not be the Pope or Mother for you. I'm sorry "- this is the wine, which we tend to pass through itself. Yes, it hurts, because we then seemed to give up their inner child. Although this illusion of their children's part, we consciously can not refuse. But this is a topic for another article.
But what adults affection? This is probably a mixture of parental love in the Adult position.
It's "You and I - we are different. You are you! And I - it is I. And we are different and equal. Do you have a life, their values, their interests, and I have my own. I look at you as an equal. Please, and you look at me as an equal! ". These phrases like show me anything that you should not and I will not have anything. That we can create and maintain an equal union between two adults.
In these respects there is no manipulation, no imposition of experiencing feelings of guilt and resentment. There is openness and trust. There is a clarity, and clarity - is a guarantee of resources and inner strength. Inner strength to look and perceive things as they are. This is an opportunity together to overcome the obstacles encountered. It is to be together and to be separated!
For example, the love of God. We're not talking about God - it is I! Hardly anyone brave enough to say so, with the exception of artificial manipulation (sects) or pathological cases of mental disorder. We tend to say, "God is with me!" Or "God is with you!" - separating God and the subject. And another important factor in adult love is the principle of trust: "You're a big (ND), you can do it!".
In adult love as if we sacrifice our children's love needs, let go of the partner / partner is not because we are so profitable, but because it will be her (it) better.
This I call the "sacrificial love" when we accept the fact that God knows better than we like better.
- When you do not take the initiative to keep the relationship with your partner and give her time to itself to deal with the questions, "Do not drag the blanket over himself."
- When we give her (him) to make a choice in your life.
- When we open our hearts to every person who is present or was present in our lives.
- As we continue to love inside this man as if you had never been apart.
Of course, there is also pain, a children's part of us often requires a "continuation of the banquet", but the pain - it is healing. It gives the strength to move forward, to move on, to live and, of course, love ...