The desire to be someone else ...

The desire to be someone else ...

Very often, the problems of our inner world and in relationships with others related to the mental unit, which can be called desire to be someone else.

This desire is different from the natural and important human need for self-development, personal growth and self-knowledge. As a rule, the desire to be someone else intrusive. Man continually tries on the role of others, worrying about what people think about him around, fantasizing about the ideal itself.

His inner voice says something like: "You're not good enough, you need to change." And the man is trying to be different, try on different roles or just constantly fantasizing about it.

Often the roots of such a facility, we can find a man in his childhood, in his relationship with his parents or significant adults when a child feels that he is, and how it manifests itself, parents directly or indirectly rejected. And instead they broadcast their child unrealized desires and ideals.

Trying to keep the parental acceptance and love, the child starts to adjust and try to meet their expectations, abandoning himself.

This scenario already in adult life passes into the inner psychic dynamics, when the desire to be someone else acts as its own. In parallel, the self-sacrifice themselves present. One feels that the way it really is, it will not be able to take, he did not like himself in all its forms (thoughts, behavior, physical appearance), tries to hide them, playing a role instead. This imbalance external manifestations and internal content causes internal stress and all spent on the force to maintain and develop what may be called "I false (self)".

Fake it because there is no internal content of the individual, but only a set of socially approved qualities and standards. And the more a person develops a false the self, the less feels a connection to the present, ie. E. With its natural I (self).

False self like a mask that a person is posing as another. In extreme cases, contact with the true self to the level of consciousness is completely lost, the mask as it adheres to the person, and the person begins to believe that he has his mask, that is a false self.

This gives rise to two characteristic states which succeed each other, and in which the person lives in a vicious circle.

  1. The first - is Mania, which is manifested by excessive excitement and complete fusion with a particular role. Such a state of momentary brings joy and pleasure, but takes a lot of inner energy.
  2. Which leads to the second of compensatory - depression, when the whole world fades and there are thoughts about his non-compliance and non-acceptance.

The stronger mania, the deeper the depression.

Paradoxically, just depression gets that opportunity, which allows you to get out of this vicious circle.

In this situation, the depression is nothing but, as compensation, which creates our unconscious, to restore the balance in the inner world. This is a definite appeal to draw attention to his real self. Because all the strength and energy of a person sent out to become someone else, his real self remained underdeveloped and repressed into the unconscious. As an example, you can imagine that you put in jail, and the person who committed the crime, was released for you to freedom, and now he sends you a letter, which tells the story of his (your) free life. Approximately so deep inside a person feels his true self, when falls into the trap of wanting to be someone else. He just does not feel life, feeling his isolation and Tesha the hope that someday everyone in the future will change and life will be what he paints her in dreams. But the truth is that as long as he did not appeal to him now, he will only receive emails about life ...

What can be done to change the situation?

An important first step is what can be called a return to his present. This is a definite rejection of the habits of other people strive to live the role and merge with them - and appeal to the appeal of his unconscious, to his depression. That's where we find ourselves present and begin the process of true personal growth.

I will not dwell on the stages of the development of the Self - this is a separate big topic. But I would like to briefly to describe the opportunities that brings this process, to a certain extent, inspire and give confidence to those who dare to listen to his depression and start searching for himself present.

  • Probably one of the most significant changes can be defined as a full and rich life. The fact is that when we do not have to identify with his mask, we are able to more naturally and directly manifested openly and simultaneously to perceive the world. This creates a more vivid tone of what is happening, filled with emotions and feelings, it gives life interest and novelty.
  • The second change concerns our relationships with people. When we no longer need to look someone else, we cease to strive to meet the expectations of others (as in the parent child) - respectively surrounding see and accept us for who we are. Or do not take, and we just do not build some of these relationships.

    Similarly, we are beginning to appreciate their role in non-humans, status, appearance, and internal content. Thus, we have the opportunity to build a real, open, accepting and deeper relationship.

  • And last but not so obvious, but in my opinion, the most important change concerns the fact that we have a an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. In fact, this is what gives us energy and fills our life with meaning ... And this is quite a significant acquisition.