Unconscious motives gossip
And yet, why do we gossip - or the inability to keep his mouth shut?
- Disclosure of the concept of "relationships". The value of relationships that are formed.
- My role in this relationship, what they teach me?
- Disclosure of the concept of "gossip". A study of unconscious motives spread gossip. What is behind this?
- An adult position in the relationship.
The relationships that develop between two people - friendly, partner, family - is that they develop together, it's just their personal comfort zone, which is emotionally closed to others. All responsibility for the country is divided in two, each bears its share of responsibility.
The fact that there is between you and me: emotions, interests, and that we are creating together - has definite limits to others.
In relationships we disclose to the person, trust him something very important for us in this period of life.
I feel that you understand me, ready to support, to be with me, and I feel affinity with you when we met, we can give something important to each other in this period of life. With another person I will be another meeting, another story, and I'll have another, more will be revealed some part of me, but that's a different relationship.
In the process of communication people something to trust it to us, and we in turn trust to him. It is our connection with him and that we have created.
Most likely, in these respects, there is a vital secret about the man, but there is a spiritual meeting people, and something very important to say or is entrusted to us and not to someone else. The man himself decides when and what to tell others about yourself. A story about yourself, about your feelings, emotions, actions and already have the personal, which implies not make it beyond the room in which it is discussed. But as often happens in a different way ...
Are you familiar with the situation when two friends meet and start talking about their mutual friend, on her personal.
How it looks from the outside? In the best case, is incorrect in relation to the girlfriend, which gossiping behind her back. This relationship can not be called genuine, lost all the value of the relationship between those friends who gossip, and that familiar, which gossip.
But why are we so interested in talking about the life of another, what our unconscious motives?
How to understand the word "gossip" or "inducing gossip"?
To gossip - it distorts (embellish) information about the person in dialogue with others.
The conversation, which carries the meaning of the evaluation - on the behavior of another, his actions, words, personal life. Correct to learn to speak not about the person and about themselves: their states next to him, his reaction to his words. Of course, there are exceptions: when parents talk about the child; or we need to take for themselves some sort of solution, and we recommend - but it's a very fine line.
Why is it so interesting to talk about the life of the other, and what their needs we meet? Why do we tend to distort information?
It is important to realize that the information that goes through our internal reality, our personal experience can distort what is really happening.
1. Unconscious desire to please another, are interested in it, to attract attention, to show its significance.
Unconscious subtext: I mean in our mutual acquaintance of life, he trusts me his life story. I want to be interested in you and is willing to return to share the information. I did not realize their self-worth, and I think that I can not give anything in return, except for distortions and embellishments information about another. 2. The desire to protect me from the person who offends me.
Unconscious subtext: sacrificial position - I'm good, but I was hurt. The victim does another person aggressor - it is evil, bad. Another person acts as an advocate, who unknowingly begins to rise to the position of the victim and to protect her from the aggressor.
It is also the position of children and the search for parental figure that protects.
3. Due to other I unconsciously raise their self-value (most of all, I was not sufficiently significant for the parents, and it is this emptiness that I try to fill all the time). Therefore, talking about someone, I would say to myself, and I'm better, I'll never do this.
4. Talking about someone (without realizing it - gossip) I'm constantly breaking the boundaries of others and allow others to invade the borders of my (I do not know how to defend their borders, to express their needs).
I have a very important, I am not acquainted with him, I do not know what I want, what I feel and where we are heading. I find it difficult to express their needs, it is difficult to accept support, but it is important the contact with others and their opinion of me, the approval and support.
5. The desire to harm another, to hurt him, hidden unspoken resentment, perhaps, aggression, condemnation of his actions.
If we condemn the action of another, it is very likely, is that we do not accept in yourself. When we have a dark side, which we are not prepared to meet, it is the quality we clearly see in the other and it irritates us. And here it is important to ask yourself a question:
- Why is the quality of annoys me?
- Maybe it is and I have, and I do not want to accept, but it is clearly condemned in the other?
6. Distrust another (basic mistrust of the world, the world is set up hostile to me, and I am constantly on the lookout), the inability to be honest in a relationship with a man, striving constantly to hide their feelings and look better success than in fact.
7. Arrogance in relation to another, the depreciation of these relations.
8. In my life a lot of confusion, problems.
- When I contact with other, more successful, I like to join him and let enjoy life, happy or reject, not accept blame toYu not admit that in my life is impaired.
- When I will contact with less successful than me, I seemed to raise their self-esteem, I have the same in life everything turned out better run away from solving their problems and direct their attention to the life of another, I can help him.
Neither the first nor the second case, I do not live their lives, desires, needs, and goals - my focus is on the life of another, and there I subconsciously realize their needs are not fully aware of them. But in a way I could not solve their life problems, I simply switch their attention to something very important, and my life is passing me, and I attend their energy in the life of another and help him in what is actually a very willing themselves, but do not realize, and yet do not take it into their lives. Adoption comes through awareness. What is the danger, and we are losing important to you?
When our attention focus is on the lives of others, we cease to pay attention to quality itself, its development, dreams, goals. But in this situation it is important to understand and accept: all that we do, we do for ourselves (and even if we think that we do for others), their inner motivations, which are listed above (of course, may be something else) .
The other person feels our ulterior motives. If you break the boundaries of another and over are starting to incorporate into his life, be curious, give advice where you do not ask, and so on. It speaks of personal inner emptiness.
Then we distort the inner reality of another and complement something his own, gossip (embellish) to re-obtain the approval of the other. One person trusts us something important for him, and we told each how often this happens in our lives.
And how come a confident adult?
In builds relationships is what becomes our own, that we have created, learned, what emotions experienced, the development of our relations, and we are as individuals. I am ready to come to the aid only if they ask me, and if I do it will not be a burden. If I'm not asking, I'm not going to give advice to.
So I can talk about themselves, their experiences, their experiences. I understand your thoughts, keep track of your feelings, talking about their needs, I realize their expectations. And I appreciate the other person, I believe that it will solve their life problems, and together we will move to the goal, learn to cooperate and be sincere.
- I will not tell you something else, I may be responsible only for themselves and talk about themselves.
- I also freely and easily will be to build relationships with others, and to separate one from the other. In every relationship has its own story, and every important to me.
- I know my self-worth, and I do not need to prove anything, to justify another's expectations.
In order to change the world around, you have to change yourself.
If you are able to change yourself, you change the world around them.