Why there are love triangles?
Each of us in childhood, in the family of origin, laid his own emotional program.
We are looking at how parents communicate with each other, how they communicate with us, and on this basis, on a subconscious level, creating a model of the family, his model of the relationship of man and woman.
This model is often not recognized, but it controls our lives, our choice of the partner, our behavior in relationships. And that it often causes a man or a woman in a love triangle situation.
Families are functional and dysfunctional.
- Functional family - a family in which reigns love, respect and mutual understanding. It respected the frontiers of all members of the family, there is an emotional and physical abuse, there is freedom in the expression of feelings and space for the development of each.
- to Dysfunctional Family - a family in which there is no love and its manifestations are very few. In such a family confused areas of responsibility, and family members do not feel their psychological boundaries. It can present different forms of abuse. The most typical example of such a family - a family in which there is a dependent.
When the child grows up, subconsciously chooses a partner who will help him to reproduce the feelings that had been in his family of origin, whatever it was. In the functional family in the child forms healthy behavior, so he subconsciously looking for a partner with the same healthy emotional program. Having met such people tend to build a happy relationship.
And what happens to those who grew up in a dysfunctional family? Let us examine in the men's example.
- If a man has not learned to take responsibility for everything that happens in his life, if the parental family he had not seen such a model of behavior (for example, my father was dependent) is very likely he will choose zhenschinu- mother, who will take on this responsibility themselves.
- If a man used to take more responsibility than it should (eg replacing an irresponsible father arose, in fact, the place of the older men in the family), it will tend to his father's role in the relationship and choose the woman-daughter.
Whatever choice a man any thing, it will be co-dependent relationship, as in a healthy model, he never lived, and can not feel it. Over time, he may begin to realize that something is wrong, that my mother-a woman he does not develop and does not feel like a man and a woman-daughter pulls all by yourself, without feeling the true love of a woman.
In any case, the dissatisfaction will grow marriage. Crack occurs between the spouses. During this period, and you may receive a mistress. As a rule, a man chooses a mistress that gives him the opportunity to feel what he feels with his wife. Accordingly, if the wife - the woman-mother, the mistress, is likely to be a woman, a daughter, and vice versa.
At the same time psychologically healthy woman is unlikely to be with such a man in one of these roles, because a healthy relationship are unknown to him. He will subconsciously seek to make her a "mother" (eg, dumping her full responsibility) or daughter (eg, permanent teaching or raising it). Healthy woman feels fast enough that it in such a relationship uncomfortable and leave.
From this love triangle man get out is very difficult. Every woman gives something important to him, but none of them give everything. One reproduces the familiar model of the relationship for him (even destructive), and the other gives what he has always lacked. That is why a man, as a rule, is trying all means to preserve this triangle, promising, deceiving and manipulating.
Often the decision is made by the woman who can not remain in such a situation. In this changing relationship with another woman. Now the man subconsciously expects that it will give him what he needs. But it is not always ready for it, and then the second relationship, too, decompose.
In such a situation the relationship with his wife and his mistress - the two poles. Often, just having been on both poles, it is possible to understand what a healthy relationship. To understand it at the level of feelings and emotions, rather than a certain level. In a healthy relationship the woman, too, can sometimes become a mother to the man (for example, when he is ill) or daughter (for example, when he takes care of it), but most of the time it's still two psychologically mature adults who know how to share the responsibility and respect border each other. How do I get out of a love triangle?
To begin, it is important to understand their emotional program. Then it will be clear why there was a triangle and what it needs to be satisfied? And then, each participant decides in which direction he wants to move and that he was ready to change himself, to his needs are met in a different way.
It is a certain inner work. Just find another way to meet existing needs, you can get out of those relationships that do not suit you.
If the output of a love triangle happening consciously, then all its members grow internally and acquire their own life experience that helps them to have a different way to build relationships with the opposite sex.