The chains of opinion: the search for self and inner freedom

The last year and a half of psychologists I specialize in issues of self-determination. and of professional practice, and simply personal communication I have almost every day I hear statements like:

- I do not like the work, but what I want - I do not know;

- I can not figure out if I like what I'm doing;

- I want something, but I doubt it will turn out.

In this article, I will discuss the imposed convictions.

This is one way to explain the causes of these problems, as well as understand what to do with them.

This is the first part of the text, addressed to adults who are in search of themselves. The other two will be for parents and teens.

What's stopping you?

As a child, when I was asked what I wanted to, I replied that I wanted to be a writer. I remember that my mother generally endorsed this interest, but said that the writer - is not a profession, and need another job to gain experience and material for books. So I had the conviction that my interests are not serious.

I still remember how in kindergarten one girl said she wanted to become an actress, and I thought something like: "Ugh, vypendrezhnitsa". Why did I think? It seemed to me that want the attention - it's bad.

In both cases, I took these beliefs for granted, not even thinking to argue with them. But if you think about whether the writer really - is not a profession? Is it bad to want the attention?

Answer to these questions will not be here, just say that there are arguments and "for" and "against", it means there is no simple answer. But I was already convinced of the earliest memories I know how to. Apparently, I took over this knowledge in the inner circle. About how this happens, I will write more in the second part of the text intended for parents. What causes the belief that to be a writer - not serious?

In my case, it has meant that I started to look for a future profession in a very different direction. I'm not even considering the option of work related to the text, for example, a journalist, a publisher or editor.

But what if a person believes that bad to attract attention?

This belief, "cuts off" a pool of possible activities: acting, teaching, selling presentations, performances at concerts, conferences.

Suppose a person has the opportunity to work in a particular area, but the belief that "it's not for me," negate them because he did not even try! And here we describe only the consequences that are associated with a professional choice. But in general, these beliefs influence on other aspects of life.

Other examples of statements from my clients:

  1. I should be only one goal.
  2. In order to do business, you need a special talent, and I do not have.
  3. However, what I like to do, it is impossible to earn.
  4. I think what I do is not good enough.

Where there are these beliefs?

In short - the consumption of communication and information. The man who about something speaks or writes, creates any content expressed this way beliefs and world view. And around them perceive. And if one takes is not critical, you can "pick up" beliefs that are contrary to one another, unreasonably restrict and interfere in other ways.

Factors uncritical perception:

  • children's age;
  • communication with family and / or influential person;
  • untrained critical thinking.

How to protect yourself?

Self-determination creates a filter. The self-determination of the person in psychology is close to the concept of "self-awareness". Soviet psychologist KK Platonov defines it as: "the awareness, assessment of the man himself, his place in the world, their interests, knowledge, emotions, behavior."

Realizing their interests, we filter interesting for us from uninteresting;

understanding their beliefs, we distinguish them from imposed.

Practice.

Imagine that you go on a trip to an uninhabited island for 3 months, and go out before then can not. There is everything necessary for life, and allowed to take no more than 1 companion and not more than 5 items. Think about what and whom you take? What is the most valuable thing gives you this man these things?

This exercise helps to understand the basic beliefs of the most valuable things for you. Most of these exercises tag # praktikumDCA

Practicing critical thinking. If the conviction was imposed from the outside, then it is not confirmed by personal experience and does not correspond to your opinion. From this point of view it is useful to pay attention to the thoughts and conclusions that you do.

Ask yourself: "How do I know?" And "Do I really think so?".

If you find a belief that stopping you, write it down and look for the facts that it confirms and refutes. Perhaps he had no real reason!

Practice.

Take 4 convictions in the previous section and see if you agree with them on yourself? Has your opinion confirmed by some facts?

conscious of your surroundings. A close and authoritative people we trust, so to them critical thinking goes into "sleep mode". For this reason, in the inner circle need psychological safety. According to psychologist Carl Rogers, provide it accepts and understands the relationship. Here are some of their characteristics:

  • is not categorical, evaluation, judgment;
  • desire to get to know each other better;
  • desire to maintain.

This is acceptable to express a personal opinion, but distinguishes it from condemnation. "You are wrong" - the conviction, "I disagree" - a personal opinion.

The relationship that describes Rogers, providing security from imposing beliefs and help to self-determination and self-realization. Of course, this ideal, and it is very difficult to establish such a relationship with his social circle completely.

Start simply by studying their relationship, as they are taken. If your surroundings such a relationship with at least one person - it is an island psychologically safe environment.

On the other hand, do not forget that not only the people around you affect you, but you are on them, too.

So think about it: what beliefs transliruete yourself?

More on the topic:

D. Halpern, "The Psychology of critical thinking",

D. Greenberger, Padeski K. "mood management: methods and exercises,"

Rogers C. "On the formation of the personality"