I'll never be the same as my mother
Compete with mom,
to compare myself with my mother,
be a better mom,
to become not the same as my mother ...
On the topic did not go away any woman. can not be recognized currently in these thoughts, they can drive away, you can laugh at them, you can feel ashamed and shy them.
But we will always compare myself with my mother - which I am a wife, a lover, a friend than a mother, a mother who I am, what I am mistress of what I've achieved in the profession, as I have friends, I have a relationship with the family.
Next to my mother, I never felt completely safe. In pressure situations by it to sag and often give up. Resist the system, or a person to defend their interests and mine, it was above its forces.
When it still was possible, from the mother came a wave of fear, desire to run away and hide. It was felt that she had no more strength left at all for anything. Violation of the rights of others "in a silent" to save his own comfort turned into a sense of guilt and fear of persecution.
I felt its weakness - it made me herself becoming more and more strong, rigid and unbending. Because otherwise I felt too great a threat.
At the same time it with joy and great affection ran protect me where I did not need it. To where I needed to make in their own strength, that I myself, and what is not. In such situations, I just needed the belief that I can do myself. But instead I got to preserve, warm and insistent offers its help and make for me.
I took it warm and more often doubt their own abilities. More and more, I can assure that I am weak, feeble, that I need support and help, and without her I would not work. Walk to the toilet one night, make your own porridge or scrambled eggs, make new friends, to volunteer to do a complex project, to get the most work and many, many things. Growing up, I was happy to throw in challenges again and again to prove to myself that I have the strength, I can do what I can. Every time I have a heart-stopping and breathless. But plunging with the process and understand that going forward - if I shouted to her: "Look, I myself I do not need your help, and do not need to decide for me, I'm strong you was wrong...."
It seemed to me that it is now only need the most to believe in themselves - no longer need to draw from the faith.
Today, I can easily defend their interests, it does not cause a storm of emotions already, which is able to carry everything and everyone in its path. Also, I get up quietly to protect the interests of their children. Give them to make mistakes, to try themselves, addressed to the exploits and new discoveries.
But how can I begin to tear when I see that my mother comes for them to where they themselves can cope. When she starts to fuss and panic at the thought of a possible danger to them - but because they simply try a new, test yourself, learn about their desires, possibilities and limitations.
I was flooded with a wave of anger. Inside awakens the desire to growl like a tigress, scratch and crush it. What is it? Where?
But now I'm doing exactly the same thing, and it - protects your children.
Maybe they can do?
But this is not about them. This is about me.
I lost it on the background of the warmth and all-consuming concern, which it gives to them in these moments. I can not do that. Or know how? But I do not dare? After all, it would be to become the same as my mother ...
And where am I? And what I really?
Is all this time I was playing the role of mother-confident-in-their-children, not showing all warmth and care, and care that I have for them? And all this in order not to be, as a mom?
What I want, "her mother to get better" - or "be yourself and to give the children what I have in reality?"
A wave of heat, weakness, emptiness, buzzing head ... and night observation of a child and for mom and her grandchildren. I do not want to compete with her. I just want to be myself.
My children are very fond of Grandma. And I am happy. I am pleased that she is warm and loving, and fun-loving baluyuschaya, fussing and hlopochuschih. Son and daughter bathe in its warm-consuming love.
And I will always be mother - as I am there, with its shoals and charms. The world of my children one-piece, with all those who care for them, who gives them a piece of themselves. And I just revel in the happiness of the fact that I am a mother, I love what I'm doing wrong and right that I help and hinder, swear and cheer.
stop comparing himself with his mother - the problem is not solved.
But allow yourself to be yourself,, regardless of the similarity of opposites or mother - is freedom.
This is an opportunity to feel every moment of life, not appreciating, but simply living.