Betrayal of a partner
The betrayal in a relationship.
Perhaps one of the most common and disturbing issues in family psychology.
A huge number of requests to Google: it has changed me what to do ... wife cheated on me or just think - and so on.
If you feel that your partner is cheating on you and lost interest, your feelings may not be groundless. Not the fact that it is actually going on, but the subconscious mind responds to the subtle nuances of the imbalance. These "bells" should not turn a deaf ear. But more about that another time will tell.
What if cheating is obvious? As a rule, most people in this situation, want to immediately determine for themselves their subsequent action plan: to forgive or not, how to behave. All because a man is in very unpleasant situation, tension, stress and uncertainty. This is the first mistake. And the first rule:
1. Take a break. Quick decision - whether to forgive a partner, and under what conditions - is unprofitable to you.
Let me explain why. Due to high levels of stress you are under emotional irritation, as you swing back and forth, back and forth. You make a decision, and then under the influx of feelings change it. You will look insecure and weak. Which is highly undesirable in a situation of self-esteem loss. And this is exactly what happens to you when you change a loved one, a loved one. And the second rule here: 2. Urgently take a course not to address the issue of what to do with relationships, and self-esteem recovery. The sooner you share your psychological and emotional boundaries with your partner, the better.
You need to break away from it and "close the door" to the vicinity. You inflicted a wound, and we need to treat it, be prepared to treat it exclusively on their own. Although a loving partner, usually helps in this. But it later.
The most appropriate response to change - distance. If possible, leave to live temporarily in another place, at least in another room. If you have children together, say they are ready to support only the parental relationship. Do not resume marital relations before receiving compensation.
3. Located at a distance from the partner, it is important to determine when you can get in touch to agree to talk and to clarify the situation.
As a rule, the first protective reaction of different partners - convince you that there was nothing that you all dreamed. Or, for example, that you are to blame (supposedly what crawled to the phone conversation or to seek paid little attention to). The purpose of such a reaction - to cause in you emotions, remove responsibility from themselves, relieve anxiety and tension. Do not help the partner. Do not answer. Let understands himself.
The next step is likely to be a recognition of guilt and prompt you to call. He, too, miss. You will need to receive compensation - sincere repentance partner, his awareness of his guilt, the desire to invest in relationships, fear of losing you. From this point you can join the conversation and sort things out, to talk about their experiences, fears and doubts. Often my clients are afraid to distance themselves from a partner, to justify this by saying that he is too proud, the first will not go to the contact, wiser than the one who puts up the first (and I am wise), I actually own was wrong, all of a sudden we have each other misunderstood, it is necessary to catch up with him and explain ... such excuses million. All this is nonsense. I never saw a man who likes to blame and not left on the first contact. Never. Hence, the fourth rule:
4. If the unjust partner feels guilty and does not aspire to intimacy with you, not afraid to lose you - the feelings he has for you a penny. It hurts. But it is vital to take. It will make you stronger.
Strong people are able to tolerate the pain, the fear, the uncertainty, are able to withstand the stress, not to give momentary pleasure to pleasure a real and deep.
Movement partners meet each other must be mutual.
Do not do all the steps yourself, true love is always reciprocal.