Why are our children "fail" in the exams? Comments psychoanalyst
Exam - a serious test for the life of any person. Including and for the child, for a teenager.
And everyone deals with tests of its own. Coping as best he can, and on the basis of being arranged. Therefore exams - this is a test extensive and multi-faceted.
Today I want to talk about, why this is a test for us as parents?
What we really are translating for children who sincerely wish success?
Why lose the children, we want only the good?
Why is it so hard to get the results better than our own?
The first thing to understand that the we treat our children as well as for his own body. This is especially true for mothers who have a child of 9 months and the truth was "part of the body." Yes, and they are "flesh of your" fathers.
And if you hate your own body if you are not in tune with their sexuality and appearance, if you are prone to self-aggression - that part of the hatred you unconsciously apply to your child. And, apparently full of love for him and care, you surreptitiously, unconsciously putting his steps. Prevents to be happy and successful. Because he, like your body, should receive kicks and punches. Another reason for the "love" for children - a hatred of their parents. If you hate the father (mother) of their child, if the child is for you, "his father's son," "daughter of her mother" - and similar structures - the chance to play with your help he highest. Because you are filled with an intense desire to destroy (read - make void) on who your child is very similar. And "this" close to the exam you did not pass.
Another reason to get up unconsciously in the way of his child - it is fear of his growing up. If he becomes an adult, independent, no longer depend on you will be able to get away - you will find yourself in front of the opportunity to live their own lives, to solve their problems. No longer be focused on the role of the parent is no longer liable for the child.
And this is very bad if this life you do not have. Or no longer exists. Because then a child growing up will make your life empty and meaningless. And you will stop him to grow up. And you will stop him to successfully pass the exams, symbolizing this growing up.
Even more difficult to successfully pass the exams to children, for whom higher education is also a afford a significant advantage over their parents. Who themselves for some reason did not have learned (for example, their youth fell on the dashing 90-s, when education is "not quoted" or they were unable to learn). On a conscious level, and children tend to surpass the parent, and parents want their children to overtake. But in the unconscious, and they, and others are often contradictory impulses. Due to the oedipal situation in which at some stage are all people, all families. With the passage of the Oedipus complex tends to take away the girl's father the mother and boy, respectively, takes his mother's father. All this is imbued with incestuous fantasies, competition with the parents of their sex and the desire to destroy them. And the real prize in the parent unconscious equates to his murder.
Agree, and parents do not want to die, and the children do not want to feel guilty for killing them. And some lose, others provoke them to do so ...
What to do? Work on yourself.
Love yourself, be strong and successful.
Then success will come, and to your children.