As a mom affects relationships with men?
Our relationship with men - a direct consequence of maternal education.
Whether we want to build our personal lives by its image or whole soul resist this - we often find in the end that repeat her fate. Few who can escape this fate.
There is no mystery, it is just mother lays in our program where we will build a woman's fate.
How does it work?
Is it possible to change the program if it does not suit us, and how to do it?
We see the world through the eyes of my mother ...
First 9 months we hear her heart, feel everything that she feels.
Then we are born, and that my mother called us to the things that surround us. It tells the story of butterflies, says every action, says "we," and tells us what is happening to us, and as a "must". It can tell its own view of the world, to people, to life.
That's how we grow up, looking at the world through the eyes of my mother's ...
If our mother warm, loving, accepting, and a lot of talking with a child, is able to feel what is happening to him, and explained that now there is or has been, for example, "Are you angry with a child, because I'm I do not give this toy "or" You're crying because she was tired and want to sleep ", the child learns to perceive itself, listen to yourself, to feel. The world around us will be safe.
When the child is small - contact with the mother gives a sense of understanding and that is intimacy. And if respect to quality, filled with love and attention, it built the feeling that intimacy - it is joy, happiness and love. Intimacy - it is mutual understanding and openness. And such an understanding and a feeling is a man formed for life. Then as an adult relationship with a man, too, perceived as the joy and happiness, and not a search of those feelings and fear not get. But often the mother has a very different message.
She is difficult to focus on the needs of the child, she was worried for his life, for the survival of. Especially if he can not trust her husband and rely on him. And if it does not? While in the care of a child there is no emotional intimacy. Mom may be anxious for tomorrow, it may experience a grudge against the man who threw it or treat it carefully enough.
A child absorbs knowledge of the world - it is a danger, anxiety, and uncertainty. Life is fraught with fear. And at this stage unconsciously, the girl can absorb the mother's message that the world, and men can not be trusted. You can rely only on themselves.
So, a mother carries a message about love, relationships, men - absorbed daughter, and often unconsciously, will lead her life. In this case, most often we act in two scenarios: as a mom or against my mother (not only as mother).
And even when we consciously do not want to live like my mother, and do the opposite, often by the age of 30-35 a woman discovers that she is the same as my mother, but does not understand how it happened ...
It's sad and it looks as fatalism. Can I change this?
In my opinion - yes. Although it requires very careful management, psychotherapy and the desire to evolve and change their life attitude.
I think you already knew how to shape our attitude toward intimacy. Through the mother. And, of course, is what will determine the degree of openness, trust and mutual understanding with the men. It is in a relationship with the opposite sex, we then create intimacy ...
How else mother affects our perception of the world of men?
- It conveys his attitude to men as well as knowledge about the flowers and the petals. She may inadvertently throw some phrases with respect to the Pope, grandfather to be perceived as truth. And inside the girl will emerge portrait of a male world, be built exactly as his mother sees. For example, wordless contempt for her husband, belittling him in front of others, may cause shame to the girl's father and mother, and in adult life is a shame for a man and his contempt for him.
- to the Father is a direct message, how to build a relationship with her husband. If the mother feels smarter and from morning to evening gives orders to her husband, the daughter often starts broadcasting the same tone in his father's address, the peer. You can guess how it will develop relations in the future.
Girl imitates mother and takes over all that my mother does, says, takes. And if the mother does not betray the promise, that a man can rely on, that her husband is important to respect that relationship is based on openness and trust, to love and understanding, then this picture of the world will not be built. This creates difficulties in the future.
Another very important aspect of responsible mom and sends it to us, her daughters. This attitude to his body, their sexuality, sex.
there was no sex in the USSR. It was taboo, taboo, shame. Women are denied their physical beauty, and did not take his body to be sexy it was impossible. And if your body does not accept my mother, she was ashamed, it is closed and cold, it is often the girl also applies to your body, as something separate from himself, unpleasant, that brings shame and condemnation. And even if her life will be a lot of men and a lot of sex, the depth of sexual relationships would be difficult to know
No connection with the body, will be a ban on sensuality, to manifest itself in contact with each other. But sexuality - it is the energy of life. And sex - is an important part of a relationship.
It turns out that in this aspect does not have permission to live full-blooded their feminine life, to enjoy, to feel, to build relationships, to love and be happy.
The ban on the sensuality and sexuality gives rise to difficulties in relations. It becomes apparent that the mother determines our relationships with the opposite sex, and affect the most important aspects. What to do? If this influence is so strong, and sometimes found in our subconscious, how to change what is?
We get the opportunity to influence what happens to us when emotionally was separated from his mother. But due to the fact that in today's world of growing up and separation from the parents of the world there is quite difficult, especially from his mother, then we carry the message received from the mother, year after year, and do not really understand where all of this is in our life.
Often, when you look at us and my mother, it may seem that you are completely different than it is, but the happiness in his personal life there. And even happens that, despite all the troubles of your mother, she has a relationship with his father, albeit complicated, and you do one ...
So, where is the exit?
the following algorithm.
As we get older at every stage of development, we have something does not receive from his mother (note the presence, care, love, joy, sensitivity), and gradually it begins to form deficits, which are then very much determine our attitude towards themselves and the choice of men.
Then the inner sense of self often is filled with uncertainty, doubts about her beauty and intelligence, and other qualities, and the choice men will be without a sober assessment of its capabilities in life. We are willing to enter into a relationship with almost anyone who has paid attention, and then to endure, but would not be alone. And often, having suffered in such a relationship, then in general in favor of men can not look, though, and I want to ...
- Therefore, it is important first to close their underlying deficits in the relationship with her mother. This can be done in the psychotherapeutic work with the subconscious. At the level that you are aware of, or changes occur very slowly, or not occur at all.
- Once the deficiencies are closed, inside you there is a lot of power and freedom, and can already be psychologically separated from his mother. This step makes it possible to break free from its influence and begin to live their lives.
- After separation of the power appears to see a man's world, be visible for him to exercise his choice. The choice informed. When there is understanding why you exactly the man that you want you will give this relationship, and if you choose it, you are ready for a lifetime.
The woman, make up deficits, separated from the mother feels her dignity and has the power to not waste. It is very important. It determines the quality of the relationships that you will create.