I - a bad mother! What to do?!
"I - a bad mother!"
How often do we think so myself!
And how this pain and despair.
Every woman wants to be the perfect mother for his children, but very few people succeed.
Or maybe we just make to themselves excessive demands?
Or we do not know what it really means to be a good mother?
"My rebonok- is my pain!"
Like many in the world lives of mothers who are not so imagine the relationship with the children. So much pain is heard these statements, much anxiety, so much guilt ...
And most importantly, what I hear these requests: a great desire to find a way to become a mother to her baby was fine. Sometimes twisting inside out to ensure, to create, she (the mother) continues to seek more and more ways possible to make it even better.
I know how much frustration and self-recrimination behind these messages ...
When the woman could begin to feel that she was a bad mother?
This period may come at any moment.
- was discharged from the hospital, the baby cries, you do not know how to calm down, I tried all possible ways, but the problem is not solved ... And then more and more on the rise.
- read books and articles. At the head is the image of the ideal mother, and you are well, just did not fit the image.
- If you can not hold back the anger and rage, shouting and subjects the pope.
- Do you have any idea how to be a child, how to handle it, what to teach him, but he does not meet your expectations. The child is not so, and how to build relationships - a riddle for you.
- You did everything you could, and even more so that he grew up in had everything you need, worked in studios and so on. E., But he ignores all that you have it to offer, it has very different interests, you do not understand how to find a common language and to convey its values ... you think you're losing your child, and you consider yourself a "bad mother."
- Maybe it is already quite mature, and your address are flying continuous accusations that you are not the same as he would have liked that you - a bad mother ... What you had not divorced (or divorced), not earn money and with him the lessons to do and so on.
And this voice, like an echo, reflect all that you think of yourself inside. It hurts ... disturbing ... The question "What do I do?" Is haunted by guilt ... ... Shame ... Hopelessness ...
And every day brings about changes in your relationship. Every day you have to solve another problem, pull him / her out of another situation. Force no longer exists. Thanks to your address you will not wait ...
Understanding, it seems, this is certainly not about you and your child. My heart is bleeding. Do you know where missed something where nedodala, nedolyubili ... And it, like something?
You kind of know how it is necessary, but in practice it turns out that there is no ...
What do I do with this diagnosis: "a bad mother"?
Can I change something?
If the child is an adult, whether it is necessary to change something?
In my opinion, it is too late to change ever. If you are concerned about this issue, then it's time to sort out a bad mother if you really whether to execute itself, whether it is possible to give the child something else if you can build relationships? And to answer the question "what to do?" I am a supporter suggest you look at yourself.
Often we can not build a relationship with your child for a variety of reasons.
- You do not have the experience, how to love a child. Perhaps there is a great desire not to be like your mother. What it is - in another way?
- You may have too high demands on themselves. When you read a lot of literature or videos, and it is clearly written, how to raise a child, are examples, you'll feel terrible against the backdrop of the ideal image conscious mom ... In fact, it is important to understand that you are just a man. And be the perfect you can not. A decision itself and the ability to shoot a lot of stress.
- You are very anxious mother. You do not have someone to rely on and to gain experience, advice.
- Your baby in character, temperament is very different from you, and your ways of interacting not find the response.
- Shame and guilt, fatalism that does not fix anything, and horror, which covers at this point, will create a gulf between you and your child, and the proximity and understanding of each other will be less.
- Society Notes, others may confuse you and make lose contact with your own child.
What is the way I have found for myself, living once the state of "I - a bad mother," living his pain, his guilt, his complex situations in a relationship with his daughter?
New knowledge, which is necessary to be a mom, did not save. No matter how much I did not know, I did not understand - I could not, I did not get to be a warm, loving, host ... Once on the personal therapy, I saw an image of the inner mother. She had the sick, the infirm, the dying woman who has no strength to live itself, is not something that someone to love, nurture, give yourself ...
And I began to heal your inner mother. Together with its healing in my life gradually came to care about themselves, about their feelings. The warmth and attention to their needs. Inner healing my mother gradually began to fill me with love itself. I am deeply lived and felt what it means to love, to be loved, to share love, to be filled with love.
This was an important step on the path to change my relationship with my daughter. And he began to heal my inner world.
I have now become a perfect mother? No.
But I became a lively, warm, responsive mother.
I have a right to make mistakes and have the experience of forgiveness itself as a "bad mother."
And taking myself so, it became easier to accept and see the personality of his daughter, and I is not afraid to live with it. I had a belief that I gave her a lot of that on your path of life she was able to move to his happiness.
I have the strength to bless her and to believe.
And you know, our relations warm with each passing day.