How to learn to accept themselves and to think in a new way?
The fact that the attitudes - they do not lie on the surface. A person can not guess that he does not think so, as he thinks (this tautology in this context is quite acceptable).
The world picture is laid in childhood. Well, if the effect on her smart, friendly, healthy people. But this is not always the case. For example, his mother - an inadequate person. But it is not inspected, respectively, and no diagnosis. From the side, too, no one will say anything. However, the child learns the reality of a distorting mirror of her delirium - because at a young age still have no idea what is right and what is not.
The child does not know what the mother or other significant adults say stupidity. And do not be surprised if as a result the child is in a terrible relationship in any group becomes an outcast. He does not understand why. Sometimes it begins a dangerous game such as appeasement. He hopes to buy the location of others, handing out sweets, toys, leaving himself nothing. But for some reason do not start to love it - they just are.
Inadequate mother accuses him, he thinks only of itself (meaning that he has to think about it). And the child decides that gives a little different. This scenario lasts into adulthood. Well, if the sufferer will meet smart people (for example, the competent psychologists), who will be able to convey to him the true state of affairs. Sometimes a man and independently came to the correct conclusions, but only after reading the enormous amount of literature.
The old and the new
But awareness is not always sweet. It is accompanied by a strong shock and confusion. After all, think in new ways people have not yet learned, and the old experience is no longer valid - it is clear to some deplorable state of affairs, he has led. It becomes impossible to communicate with the same people as before. No matter how difficult, but to go through a period of stagnation.
It hurts to know that for decades had to be held hostage by foolish beliefs. Or wanted to reach out to a soulless person - for example, earn the love of a mother who is not capable of love. In the apt words of one psychologist, were trying to open a tin can with a handkerchief. In this case, the shock is very painful.
This state can be called a syndrome Nathanael. It is worth remembering novel Romantic writer Ernst Theodor Amadeus Hoffmann's "The Sandman." It enthusiastic young man fell in love with a beautiful girl Nathanael Olympia. It seemed to him the embodiment of the ideal of pure, innocent souls. But with horror, he learned that his lover - this is actually a doll machine. Nathanael story ended tragically - he jumped from the tower.
A similar shock will experience the unfortunate who from early childhood trying to reach a soulless man. And recognizing the impossibility of a constructive dialogue, the sufferer experiences a shock, and then a deep emptiness. And the pain - that all the efforts and sacrifices were in vain. We have to recover from this disease and move on.
New habits and self-image
Learn how to build relationships with the world, other people and with them to other, more constructive basis - a process, though not easy, but very interesting. It is important to find the very values on which we can rely. After all, many people have something that is very expensive - for example, your favorite works of art. But communicating with them often had to sacrifice. Or just look at the other side was accompanied by a sense of guilt (which was explicitly imposed).
Much depends on the awareness of their uniqueness and value as a person. It is not determined by the location of a person or someone's praise. It will take time and some effort to start to see themselves in a more positive light. Those who strongly impaired can feel the internal resistance or the desire to mentally argue with the aggressor. But that should not stop.
May remember the old injury and the pain that was left unmourned. All this is kept in mind, although it seems that has been forgotten. However, it was an artificial complacency - experiences only "began to move" to the back of the inner world. It is important to see them in person. There may be tears - this is normal. Then comes a significant relief.
Learning to perceive themselves and to think in a new way is not easy. But along the way waiting for entertaining opening. Someone opens the talents, which are not suspected before. And those abilities that appeared before, will receive a new impetus and activities will rise to a higher level.
From bad habits to his attitude has to rid of, like all addictions. Gradually positive attitudes will replace the old ones. So it makes sense to try.