Why not a psychologist tells customers about your life?

The first, because consultation with a psychologist - not intimate conversation between two friends. Meeting (or as it is called, the session) with a psychologist - not a friendly conversation. Session is different from our usual communication.

Second, in a relationship, "the psychologist-client" there are rules. Due to the rules in this relationship it becomes possible to deal with the difficulties that led the client to a psychologist.

The list of rules can be different: depending on the approach, which employs a psychologist, from his inner convictions. At the beginning of the psychologist informs the client of all the rules, which it adheres.

Why not a psychologist tells customers about your life?

Psychologist leave with you my personal life - one of the existing rules. There are psychologists who strictly adhere to this rule: their personal life remains for the session with the client. And that's why.

1. The psychologist does not tell customers about their lives, leaving himself own anxiety, sadness, joy and victory. To provide all the space therapy for pain, emotions, joys and client finds: a psychologist does not change with the client roles.

Psychotherapy requires clarity of roles: psychologist helps the client. When there is clarity of roles, there is enough safe space for the study of emotional whirlpool. Mental client whirlpools. Nancy McWilliams (known psychoanalyst our time) writes:

"... patients perceive the therapist as a frightening revelation roles shift, as if the therapist recognizes the patient in the hope that the patient will calm the therapist."

calm the therapist. Or joy in the victories of the therapist. Or mourn losses therapist. Whatever it was - at the time of "revelations" therapist moves the focus from the client to the therapist. To psychotherapy client is not turned into psychotherapy, the psychologist leaves with him the details of his life.

Why not a psychologist tells customers about your life?

This is similar to the way we come to the dressing in the treatment room. We "impose" the wound, and the nurse is engaged in our wound: remove the bandage, look - how things are there, it treats a wound dressing changes. She can be your wounds. But at a time when it is our bandages, she leaves her in the side.

2. The psychologist does not tell the client about his life, because he understands the needs of the client, and does not satisfy them.

At the very beginning of the psychologist and the client agree on the rules of work. Including psychologist tells the customer that "you will be talking about himself, and I will listen and help you with that ...". But quite often at some moment still have a situation where a client accesses a psychologist with the request: "Do you know me already so much, and I do not know anything about you. Tell us something".

Customers may request a psychologist to extend the session for an hour or two. Customers can bring in gifts and psychologists are asked to take them. Customers may request a psychologist to take them by the hand, hug. But ... "The psychologist understands the needs of the client, and does not satisfy them," - remembers psychologist. What does it mean? This means that the psychologist listens to and ponders everything that the client informs him (and then, what the client requests it), and helps the client to think about.

That is, in a situation where a client asks a psychologist: "Tell me about yourself. And what about this you? "- psychologist thinks that behind this question.

Why not a psychologist tells customers about your life?

For example, a customer's interest can be explained by the fact that now is the moment when the customer is particularly difficult to remain under scrutiny psychologist observer, and he is trying to shift attention from their experiences in the history of psychology. When the psychologist manages to understand what is involved in the client's question, and it is necessary (respectful and careful) words to share their hypothesis with the client, it helps to feel calmer. And they can continue to engage the client wounds. 3. The psychologist did not disclose the details of his life, because it saves as much as possible free space for the unconscious psychotherapy customer fantasies.

Known psychoanalyst Greenson wrote:

"Freud recommended that the analyst be like a mirror to the patient. This was interpreted incorrectly, in the sense that the analyst should be cold and unresponsive with respect to his patient. In fact, I believe Freud meant something completely different. Comparison with the mirror means that ... personal values ​​and preferences of the analyst should not interfere in the analysis of these conflicts. ... There is no doubt that the less the patient actually knows about the psychoanalyst, the better the patient can fill the blank space with the help of his imagination. "

What are we talking about? Together with a psychologist we explore unconscious fantasies. These fantasies affect our attitude towards him, the relations with other people, the way we give (or not give) to live. Fantasy manifest themselves in our ideas about psychology, and it was then: "the less the client really knows about psychology ... '.

For example, one client says psychologist: "Yes, I'm telling you. You have in fact, probably, no children. " Another client is the same psychologist can say, "Of course, you easily say that, because you probably have children." A third customer says: "Sometimes I wonder: do you have children or not? What is your relationship with them? "

Why not a psychologist tells customers about your life?

The psychologist working screen (super-mega-modern, almost 3D), to which the client is free to project their imagination and with the help of a psychologist to examine them. Conclusion. Personal information about a psychologist anyway, one way or another, permeates the work with the client, nowhere on it does not go.

"... a great deal about themselves therapists disclose by factors such as the style of clothing, office interior, exterior and characteristic manner to behave ... In recent years, the Internet has provided a wealth of information to anyone curious enough to do a little online search "(McWilliams).

By the way, so the psychologists that adhere to the rules of the non-self-disclosure, do not write about his personal life in the open positions in the social networks.

It so happens that self-disclosure is still happening and psychologist (unexpectedly for himself) at a session of the client says something about yourself. But this is an exception. The rule remains the rule: a psychologist does not tell the client about his life.