Self-education. How to get rid of the habit of returning to the past conversation?
This is because the we are not present in the conversation. We are waiting for the other to finish, to express themselves. When another says something, we at this time, no, we are busy with their thoughts - how to say, what to say. Or stuck on some suggested, we have carried out in your mind, in your thoughts into the future or the past. Calling, we are waiting for a response and control it.
That is, in fact, we are currently engaged in a. And therefore we are not present in the conversation. When the conversation ends, our lack of it makes itself known - we come back to it in my mind.
If we have experienced a time when we were present - we will not return to it. We have fully experienced it, it became us, we have absorbed. It makes no sense for him to come back, because thanks to this point in us that something has changed, something we have experienced. We were.
And when we do not, then our mind is trying to complete the unfinished situation. When we do not - there is room for imagination, to simulate reality in which it was not us.
You can draw an analogy with the situation where a person does not remember, he shut the door or not. He does not remember this for one reason only - because he was absent at the time of closing the door, it was not. He was in his thoughts, in the future or the past, he physically present but mentally absent. At this point he is unconscious. Therefore, then one thinks: "I closed his door or not?" His mind is trying to end the situation. But it can not be complete, because all whatever came up with the mind refers to the probability theory. Therefore, to think you can endlessly. There is only one way to remember you shut the door or not - is present at the time of closing the door. Go out of your head into reality. You can even call myself a self-named, for example, say to yourself: "Lena, you're here?" And the answer: "There!" And close the door carefully. After that, you will not need to remember. You shut the door or not. You'll know because with awareness were what they were doing.
When we consciously are not present in the conversation, when we are busy with their thoughts and themselves, then our mind consciously or unconsciously will return to the past situation, trying to finish it, to understand, to model. We were out in the conversation - and our mind tries to simulate presence. To the mind was not trying to simulate reality, it is necessary to be at 100%.
Weathered conflict will remain in the past, if we were in it, listen to others, and not trying to prove a point.
Experienced the reality of changing us, it is us. And the reality is separate, and we separately. Therefore, in our head swarming like bees, thought.
How to get rid of the habit of returning to the past conversation? Only one way out - to be present in the conversation, and it means, paradoxically, to observe moments of his absence: we wait to put my, how we think about something else, when we say something as we carry out in the future or the past as we assess what is being said, automatically, instantly laying everything on the shelves, "good" or "bad."
When we see your absence, contact happened once presence and we know the difference. And then there will be no more need to go back to a previous conversation.