Why is not ashamed to be incompetent?
But the older we start to think that way, while experiencing the appropriate negative feelings. And as a result we did not get. In its idea of itself, we demand from ourselves the original skill and perfection. But it does not happen in real life.
In order for us to learn to do anything, we need to go through your own experience, fall and get up, avoid a lot of mistakes, fill his bumps and bruises.
Then we will learn.
There is a saying that the man at the top of the mountain did not fall there with the sky.
initially requiring a skillful, scolding and punishing himself for incompetence, we are less and less we trust ourselves and rely less on their own.
We think a lot, but little action. All our energy will go on thinking and reasoning, to prepare for the action, rather than the movement itself on the path to success.
By requiring a skillful and fear of incompetence, we will by all means to avoid any action that does not lose faith in yourself completely.
We will be easier not to act than to act and get a negative result. Because in this case, our faith in ourselves and our self-esteem finally collapse. Therefore, we will find all kinds of excuses, but would not go into effect, and not solve anything. We will pretend like we did not want that kind to us, and not much needed. So we find ourselves in a vicious circle of psychic self-defense. But we find ourselves there for one reason only: because the demand of ourselves the original perfection and expertly.
Recognizing oneself, the right to error and imperfection, we kindly refer not only to themselves but to others.
We do not need to create artificial mask to face the other in all its beauty while concealing its imperfections. We will be more open, spontaneous and natural, more "warm" in relation to other people. And we are able to get the recognition and response from other people, which is so eager in search of imaginary perfection.
The questions usually asked: "How to recognize myself?", "How kind to myself?", "How to love yourself?" It is impossible to do it artificially, willful decision.
It comes with an understanding of the advantages, which gives recognition of himself and disadvantages that brings self-denial. Whatever model the behavior we may be, it is for something need, it brings some benefit.
If we deny ourselves, then we take a whip in his hands that drive themselves and with the release of his action, achieve goals. Typically, this pattern of behavior is conditioned and fixed in childhood, causing psychological problems, because we are from early childhood all the time compared to someone else, saying, "Peter, Mary, Lena - better. They do that and then some, they have reached that something, and look at yourself, who are you? Incompetent, lazy, hands from one place to grow! "Of course, not in these words, but the meaning. Thus, we understand that in the form in which we are, we are not wanted, and no matter what can not. Therefore, the only way it becomes an inner whip, whom we constantly spurring themselves and through which we hope to fix it.
But having initially negative attitude towards him, we will have it and subsequently, no matter what the possibilities and goals we may have achieved.
Because the negative attitude towards himself and is the engine of our "progress".
Cancel this pattern of behavior is only one way: learning to bring non-judgmental attention in their own lives, without the "for" and "against" knowing thyself.
Then we stop ourselves to judge and become aware of the psychological mechanisms that underlie our behavior and attitude. And when we begin to be aware of them, everything changes. On the way to his only needs our attention.