Find escape routes
Many people try to solve their family problems alone: someone interferes with pride, someone does not want to recognize the crisis is already destroying the family, while others simply do not realize that there are experts who can be contacted for help . But most of those who dared to meet them, confirm that third party involvement has allowed them to survive the break, rethink it and see it is not a defeat, but proposed a second chance of life.
Goal: to understand the reasons that led to the destruction of relationships, to help easier to survive divorce. Couples seek advice from a variety of issues. Someone wants to leave, while maintaining a good relationship. Other important to come to terms with the departure of a partner. But all share a desire to part with the least pain. "Often the couple turn to a therapist, when one of them wants to end the marriage, and the other resists it - says family therapist Anna Varga. - The spouse who is not ready to give up, experiencing severe pain and often blames the situation themselves. Often at this time two members caught in a vicious circle, when it is impossible to make each other nothing but reproaches. Psychotherapy helps to cope with different situations that concern partners during divorce. In deciding to meet with a psychologist, it is important to remember two things: everyone has the right to live happily, and suffering do not lead to wisdom. "
An appointment with a therapist come to both spouses. One can refuse, but usually with the support of a psychologist the other partner manages to convince him of the need for a meeting. Therapy begins with a dialogue with one of the spouses in the presence of another (then the roles are reversed). Everyone is talking about their feelings, desires, regrets that allows others to understand it. During therapy, the tension is reduced and it is possible to go to the normal communication, find out what led to the crisis. If a family has children, a specialist to help them through this difficult period. Family therapist consults with clients on their relationship after divorce, helping to develop a new style of communication, adopt other rules of life.
conditions: meeting a family therapist and clients last few months. Consultations cost from 500 rubles. up to $ 200 per hour: it depends on the experience and well-known experts.
Therapy or friendly advice?
Many of us still go to friends, to complain about the problems at home - in Russia to seek a family therapist infrequently. According to psychotherapist Anna Varga, the fact there are three reasons. Firstly, we know little about this kind of service, often confused with psychological support mental and fear breaches of confidentiality. Another reason - "psihofobiya": physical illnesses, our society treats the relatively tolerant, and the person who has a mental problem, not cause sympathy. The third obstacle to become a specialist prices. "Not everyone knows that you can participate in training programs, - says Anna Varga. - Families who allow students to observe through the plate glass of the therapeutic process, usually receive free care. You can also refer to the novice therapist - his services are less expensive, while its performance is usually accompanied by a more experienced professional, providing "insurance" against mistakes. "
Target: facilitate the material side parting. It made the decision to part. But a divorce? How to "share" apartment, a car? And children will be living with someone? Who will now pay for their classes in English? "Many do not know how to decorate parting with minimal losses - says an expert on family law, Svetlana Borisova. - Employees of legal advice to help you understand the intricacies of divorce proceedings, explain what may qualify each partner and how to implement parental rights. If necessary, help to draw up the documents. " To complete the legal relationship is enough to apply a statement to the registrar (if both spouses agree to leave and they do not have common minor children). If a couple can not agree on the division of property, this issue examines the magistrate. He decides to divorce if one spouse against the termination or agree, but refuses to come to the registrar, and if a family has a common minor children.
The rights and duties of the spouses determines the Family Code. All acquired during life together is considered common and divorce divided equally. In addition to this, each spouse receives the ownership of property belonging to him before marriage, received as a gift or inherited, as well as items for personal use: clothing, footwear (expensive jewelry and other luxury does not belong to them objects). If there is a marriage contract, then it determines when parting property rights and responsibilities of spouses. If not, a husband and wife own come to an agreement on the division of common property: the wife, for example, gets an apartment and a fridge, her husband - a dacha and a car. The legal advice will help them a notary formalize these arrangements and to prepare an agreement on the exercise of parental rights of the parent who, after divorce will live separately. It stipulates in detail, how often, when and how long it will communicate with children living separately father or mother of the child is determined by the material content: child support, the cost of treatment, education and recreation. If the spouses fail to agree on the future of children, decided by the district court. conditions: conversion to legal advice - about 500 rubles. family mediator services will cost $ 200.
In most countries of the world for couples seeking a compromise, it helps service "family mediator". In Russia, these services are provided by only one legal advice. It is headed by a psychologist and a lawyer, founder Michael Labkovsky www.vseobrake.ru site.
Psychologies: What does family mediation service?
Michael Labkovsky: We are helping to solve the legal problems associated with divorce: divide the property and business, to agree on the future of children. With our support, many issues are resolved without the participation of the court - the people do not have to waste your nerves, time and money.
Usually they come to you both husband and wife?
Often at the first meeting we advise one of them, the most interested in solving the problem of conflict-free. As a rule, it is the wife. Women often ask what they can apply in case of divorce, and men are interested in communicating with children. At subsequent meetings, both spouses are invited. If one of them refuses, I propose a different conversation options with him his wife, one of which usually leads to a positive result.
Is often parting, the couple closer to one another?
A compromise is found in 70% of cases, at least one hour, a maximum of six months. During the negotiations, we recommend that spouses begin to live by the rules of a future agreement: husband, for example, starts to pay the agreed amount, the meeting with the child take place at the scheduled time. All this helps the former partners to calm down and slowly get used to the new relationship. MK
Have a question?
- Society family counselors and psychotherapists, t. (495) 517 7524, www.supporter.ru.
- Professional Psychotherapeutic League of Russia, t. (495) 105 9036, www.oppl.ru
- Family counseling Labkovsky Michael, ph. (495) 107 6924, www.vseobrake.ru.