What is the style of your couple?

What is the style of your couple?

The five unions, the description of which you will find on the following pages have been allocated a group of sociologists from the University of Geneva (Switzerland). This classification - the result of the observation for 1500 pairs of people of different ages, at least a year living legally married or cohabiting.

Curiously the first impression gained by the study: never before external "decoration" of love were not so diverse, but the pair - as free to choose relationships. "It can be argued that the standard model of marriage came to an end - sums up Jean Kellerhal, one of the authors. - In our time, to the fore in the pair out creativity and individuality. "

However, among the huge variety of relationship styles can identify five major trends, five more or less harmonious (and more or less new) models of unions. And if one of them you can learn your own, others remind you of your family friends, parents or neighbors. Why this classification? First of all, it will allow you to figure out what really is your co-existence. On which it is based? As the roles within the family; whether or not each of you to his own personal territory; how you need to resolve conflicts? Perhaps this will be your opening, but it often happens that the relations between spouses are outside the scope of love affairs. "Although in the public mind there has always been an ideal image imprint a" real, fateful love "that one day must go on and we solve all our problems", - says the expert.

Find your model

In fact, living together does not stay on the mere sensation of infinite love. "Over the relationship need to work - says Jean Kellerhal. - This design consists of many floors, and looks more like a well-conceived project, than the gift of fate. Agree, even the most romantic nature to be reckoned with such unromantic constituent relations, as the distribution of power in the family, personal space or general funds. " It may well be that it is awareness of the versatility of your relationship will allow you to in case of difficulties to review and work out some of the details of life together, not to give up and leave.

relationship - it is rather a project that we worked together, THAN THE GIFT OF FATE.

How to choose a model based on which to build relationships within the marital union? "In this regard, much depends on the age of the partners, on what they do, and of their social environment - the sociologist explains. - If you are young, you both have a higher education, you live in the city and strive for personal development and professional success, it is likely that your style - the family-association. While the lives of your parents probably took on more traditional pattern of family-fortress. However, it is possible that in your case there was a cocktail with elements of other relationships or marriages of two models at the same time. Whatever it was, a certain style in the relationship occurs quite rapidly. He often changes due to the emergence of the first child, in which case the couple can go from family to family associations associates. However, after the birth of first child style will not change. At least, if not specifically ask for such a purpose. "

* Kellerhal Jean (Jean Kellerhals) - Swiss sociologist, one of the authors of the work "The measure and its lack of a pair of" ( "Mesure et demesure du couple", Payot, 2004).

Soyuz fortress "in joy and in sorrow"

What is the style of your couple?

In its "fortress" they also strongly complement ... as independent of each other.

Priorities

These partners are firmly connected to each other, together they are experiencing hardships and joy, wishing "to live happily and die in one day." Sharing the tastes of each other, they are always trying to reach a consensus. Their individuality originates in the word "we": together they are working hard to make her husband succeeded professionally (wife often does not work), and also engaged in the education of children.

dear partners consensus, unanimity. Good that pair, they believe, inside which there is almost no differences. The distribution of roles

One of the challenges of partners - to reduce the number of grievances. Their daily life consists of many rituals: for all there is a place and time, and the role of each member of the family is clearly marked. Here, more than in other unions, the duties are distributed according to sex spouse: it is assumed that the wife is a home, and the husband earns money. Nevertheless, solutions partners are together.

The relationship with the world

Wife rarely goes out. It tends to consider the influence of the outside world - with new ideas and trends - rather like a threat. Husband shows more interest in innovation, other ways of existence and way of thinking. He is a kind of "authorized representative" pair, which is responsible for "external relations" family and social integration. Wife rather focus on domestic issues: safety, caring, tenderness. This complementarity increases the dependence of family members from each other.

Advantages and disadvantages of

The trump card of the family fortress - stability. When partners take on certain responsibilities, life becomes more harmonious. Spouses tend to avoid collisions, giving some of their positions. Solving problems, they prefer the traditional, proven methods. Peaceful life in a "fortress" borders on routine. Such relationships are able to "stiffen", if from time to time partners do not instigate new projects.

The Union-Association "to respect the autonomy of"

What is the style of your couple?

The goal of each "association" member - to realize myself.

Priority

Paradoxically, the partners agreed initially brings the desire for autonomy. The family associations believe that living together will benefit in the event that each of the participants will be the master of his destiny, will defend personal convictions and conduct their own affairs. Sacrifice the interests of the family benefit - it is perceived as a defeat - and for the most supruga- "altar", and for the relationship as a whole. The distribution of roles

Partners tend to be self-sufficient and to realize themselves in all areas at the same time: a professional, marital, parental, cultural, civil. Allocation of responsibilities for gender principle rejected a priori, there reigns the principle of "all are equal." Communicating partners make the most of your emotions and interests. If both spouses are tuned to the adoption of common decisions, most likely, they will be able to agree: it is what suits them today, tomorrow may be reconsidered.

The relationship with the world

Contact with the outside world are valued as highly as the individual characteristics of spouses. Go out (together or separately), to travel, to invite to visit parents or friends - it all feeds and enriches the dialogue partners, allows us to implement joint projects. Family-association does not tolerate routine, considering it a source of boredom and anxiety. Such alliances often formed in a developed society, where there are economic and cultural backgrounds to meet the desires of both. Family associations tend to live in urban areas, where partners can find a business that will develop, and allows you to earn enough money.

Advantages and disadvantages of

If the spouses are able to manage the situation, they can get out of life: and the joy of living together, and the ability to realize their potential. Flexibility in the relationship allows them to give out cards again and again, adapting to the desires and possibilities of each. Problems usually arise when the personal interests of the spouses disagree, and family life becomes an obstacle to personal development. To reach a compromise, the family members of associations often need to negotiate.

If the maintenance of the union begins to demand too many sacrifices, the couple usually decide to leave.

The Union-cocoon "One against all"

What is the style of your couple?

In his "cocoon" to protect each other from the cruel world.

Priority

The family-cocoon reign very delicate marital relations. The main purpose - to care for and take care of each other, to entertain and to withstand the vicissitudes of fate, which arise, for example, due to the instability in the society, or away from home. Partners create an intimate nest and struggled protect it from environmental influences. As a family-fortress, the partners are the relations merge with each other. Joint activities and similar tastes give them a needed sense of security.

The distribution of roles

The family-cocoon from partners equal duties. They took turns preparing meals, doing cleaning, busy with children. Depending on the situation, either spouse can go to work. Men especially tend to find refuge from the daily frustrations of the outside world with your family, appreciate the comfort of home and all related rituals.

The relationship with the world

Usually the family cocoon closes on itself, because it does not feel like a part of the society in which there is. Wife feel lonely in the big city, sometimes getting lost before the power of the "other". However, they are not too interested in the outside world. Social integration and professional achievements are their secondary values.

Advantages and disadvantages of

Family-cocoon is quite helpless in financial difficulties. Spouses are more inclined to comfort each other than to act, they are often unable to offer adequate assistance. They tend to gloss over the conflicts, since any differences are perceived as more of a security threat. The strength of the cocoon-family solidarity spouses. If the surrounding reality is not too hard on them, the partners are able to live quite happily.

The Union of parallel worlds "Together for lack of a better"

What is the style of your couple?

To live in "parallel" with no attachments and passions.

Priority

This style of relationship the least similar to the conventional image of a happy couple. Here, as in the family-association, each spouse own interests, and the relationship between the partners based on some kind of indifference to each other. Each of them is engaged in itself and is not inclined to share spiritual experiences with their spouse. In fact, they live together just because in no other way.

The distribution of roles

In such a family, responsibilities of the partners is extremely differentiation. House fully engaged wife, and in addition to performance related duties husband waiting for her organizational support of its own initiatives. His work is often heavy; he can not take on any of the functions of his partner - and vice versa. Their relationship is no trace of sentimentality.

The relationship with the world

Usually, the couple live in this isolation from the outside world, completely unaware of what's going on and not too disposed to invite me to visit their parents or neighbors. Of course, the reason is not to be alone more often ... However, if the partners are not too nagging each other, they coexist quite peacefully.

Advantages and disadvantages of

In such a union is difficult to find the pros. Spouses do not expect anything from each other, because of what they are alien to disappointment in a partner. Everyone clearly understands that he has to do, the rules here are set once and for all, which helps to eliminate any differences. In such families, there is complete order, and all the actions of partners are absolutely predictable. And, although their relationship is nothing like the celebration of the soul, such a union can last a lifetime.

associates Union "Overall - especially"

What is the style of your couple?

Open world "allies" are planning to stay together for a long time.

As a family-fortress, this model is designed to couple long term. The couple want to share the same fate, so the life of each of them is consistent with the values ​​on which to base their family. Between the partners established a very close relationship, they emphasize their similarities and do not keep secrets from each other. But, unlike the family-fortress or cocoon-family, the couple is very important to participate together and in public life.

The distribution of roles

As family associations, taking responsibilities, establishing rules and inventing the rituals, the couple prefer to remain flexible. Daily routine and tasks of each partner to change depending on current tasks. Both are able to run the economy, in addition, one can replace the other, which is key to the development of the pair. However, unlike the family-association that values ​​personal projects each, are to the fore the common interests. For the family and society, each spouse is ready to make some sacrifices: to move to another city for a time to leave work for another career or raising children.

The relationship with the world

Partners are actively involved in the life of the city, schools or charitable organizations. However, despite the openness to the world, they can not be called "secular lions" (as it often happens in the case of family associations). Rather, they are an example of civilian couples, which seeks to contribute to the public well-being.

Advantages and disadvantages of Excellence common interests over personal; flexibility in the distribution of roles; openness to the outside world - excellent conditions for a long and happy life. It was in such unions, according to their members, less frustrating, there is usually laugh more happy joint achievements and rarely leave. Information for consideration.

The ideal model?

What is the style of your couple?

Which of the five unions closest to the ideal of "happiness formula"? "Each style has its pros and cons - said Jean Kellerhal. - Even though none of them does not guarantee the desired outcome for all - complete well-being in the family, some models of relations, according to the respondents, bring more satisfaction than others. "

Family associates ranks first in the classification. It is in this union we feel the power of love, respect and support of a partner, get more pleasure from living together and common affairs. But in the family of parallel worlds situation sometimes becomes sinister. We can easily get out of yourself, blame or (no better than) ignore each other. The family fortress and family-cocoon sky too is not always cloudless, but in general we feel quite satisfied.

With regard to family associations, the most common in recent models, the situation is often formed very contradictory. "On the one hand, only in this union recognized as the most complete autonomy and personal life partner, which provides great opportunities for personal development - says the sociologist. - on the other - each puts forward his own interests, which leads to constant spats and sometimes - to divorce. What is obvious, because the basic principle of family associations - go or compete. "

So, today it is clear that the success of marital "enterprise" depends not only on its shape, much of the content. In other words, no matter what your style is, all the tests to want - and be able - to overcome together.

It is difficult, but you can

have the desire - and to be SPOSOBNYMI- overcome all obstacles together.

An increase in the number of divorces, open relationship in the family, breaking up and re-created alliances - all this suggests that any story is ephemeral love. "The general trend can alert, - says Jean Kellerhal. - We no longer know to what extent you can put yourself in the family relationships that result in not being left with nothing. Before you go to a deeper level of trust, we carefully weigh the pros and cons, to be discussed their rights, responsibilities, the contribution of each of the partners in a common cause. It happens that the excessive caution dampens relationship in the bud. " Yes, today the common life became difficult adventure, but it does not mean that the success it is unattainable. Unless, of course, we make sure to come to him together.