Rate yourself on advantage
Self-assessment - one of the central aspects of our personality. We do not always remember her as we do not remember about the air we breathe. I do not remember as long as it is enough. We pay attention to this important part of our existence, only when we feel hurt, or when we see that they themselves inadvertently hurt someone. Self-esteem - the psychological state of the indicator "I". It gives an idea of our capabilities, quality and location among others. It was she who shows us, is there any reason to justify to praise himself in a certain situation. From this feeling affects our emotional state and mental health in general.
Daily and hourly (if we are among the people), our self-esteem is being tested. But what we do to in a variety of circumstances, still feel "justified"? Consciously or not, we consistently make two different works. We need to hear or see something that comes to us from the outside. This can be critical of our address, or some fact: an old friend, for example, birthday greetings. Take this is not easy, and there are many people who have developed the exclusive blindness to everything that could threaten their belief in themselves. Then we do something no less important - ask yourself whether there is my fault in this? Presenting all the circumstances known to us, we evaluate ourselves. Sometimes in their favor: "Yes, I did not work as good as I'd like my boss, but I did it with a severe headache, and it was to me almost a feat." Or: "What a pity that I had not realized that offended his friend, be sure to call him in the evening." So gradually we put up with it, even if making a mistake. Each of us is very strong need to feel its own justification - not fussy excuses to someone, and rely on the deep, non-public the truth about yourself, to be able to say like that right now everything is good, now I can live with a more . Our self-esteem is dependent both on its own view, self-directed, and from the view of others on our personality. It makes no sense to try to stop depend on the evaluation of others. We must learn to take account of it and relate to their own assessment. This reflexive humdrum work saves us from being dependent on other people's opinions as to depreciate, and enthusiastic. A mature person can say: I am my own judge in the final instance.
Therefore, self-esteem and changeable, and is stable at the same time. Volatile circumstances and occasions; stable habit to consider and evaluate the coming circumstances. In fact, every psychologically healthy person is doomed to engage in this reflection, simply because he has a conscience.
The sign of the modern world
Self-esteem is a problem only for us because we live among people and the constantly evaluate us. In the old era, people were better protected when society's expectations were more clear and predictable, he had little choice: the son of the craftsman became a craftsman, a fairy tale of Cinderella were just fairy tales, and everyone was clear who he is and what can qualify.
We now have more opportunities - and the more difficult it became self-determination. In addition, nowadays it forms narcissistic personality traits - largely thanks to the mass media and advertising. They promote admiration for the brilliant form of "trial" successful stars, those who are better than us, who are special. Modern Narcissus - a man who has decided that he has more rights than other people. He ignores criticism and skillfully protected from it; it is a sign of its deformation "I", although outwardly he looks "brilliant". But he is suffering: because deep down inside he knows that he has the real truth about himself, that he was in fact nothing to rely on, and it remains only to experience inner emptiness.
Who is to blame and what to do
Narcissistic traits are passed from parents to children, but not through biological mechanisms of inheritance, and through a system of relations in the family. Children in the narcissistic family growing up with a sense of exclusivity, and in childhood mechanism healthy self-esteem, they may be distorted. After all, adults repeat: you're not like everyone else, the teacher is stupid and does not understand such an extraordinary child. But often confident people are actually intrinsically very fragile, because it focused on the recognition of the other and can not live without being the most favorite
childhood trauma, the experience of dislike, ignoring the humiliation as severe as experience seduces adoration. All this - the heavy legacy of self-assessment. As adults, we spend a lot of years to get rid of this legacy: brick by brick forming their own view of themselves. And our "inner judge" often unjust too harsh, biased. But you can gradually learn to be your own friend - fair and understanding. Never too late to learn to love yourself. This contributes to the support of the psychologist, and the experience of success, a good relationship with friends, love. Sooner or later there comes a moment when it becomes clear that I have all proved themselves, I can stop thinking about her self-esteem, you can now simply love. No matter what: the mountains, the sea, the work of their children.
The question "Is self-esteem may be invulnerable" as naive as the question "is it possible to have a clear conscience." Of course not! We are doomed to suffer again and again, not sleep, to seek an answer. This inner work does not pass in vain: over the years, we all have a better understanding of who I am, that suits me, which I do not ever, for any good. This clarity of understanding gives the strength to endure the end of love, failure, unexpected inheritance, new love, glory, old age, and finally, the idea that we are all mortal.
- Gregory Pomerantz, Zinaida Mirkin "In the shadow of the Tower of Babel." Rosspen, 2004.
- the Alfred Langley "What drives a person. Existential-analytical theory of emotions. " Genesis, 2005.