"Do all we need a career?"

"Ogovoryus beforehand: your magazine did not plan to buy. Logs the mind and the heart does not give anything: a bright picture, but inside - a void. But ... hypermarket Cash, beginning of the twelfth, on Friday evening. If I do not buy anything to read, there can be problems with falling asleep.

I was attracted to the headline about working women: why they are afraid of success. I am a working woman, and I have a complicated relationship with success. This time, bought the magazine did not cause the usual deaf discouragement. You struck a chord: you can see, even gathered to write a letter.

The basic meaning of the article was that the society offers modern women call that they refuse to accept the view of the internal systems ( "Cinderella complex"), refusal of responsibility ( "enchanted submission"), feelings of guilt towards his family and accepted stereotypes. And so - nothing stops our Russian modern working women in the pursuit of a career tops ...

Certainly not! I - in the direction of the director of a major Russian company, I am 29 years old. I graduated from university. Married for nine years, I have three years of clever daughter. Our family two trendy machines (by status), well furnished three-room apartment, own the land where my husband and this year we plan to begin construction of the house. I traveled around the world on business matters and can afford to rest there where tknu finger on the map. My "market value" has increased fivefold in the past five years. My husband is completely contained our parents retired, but I also pay for the treatment of his paralyzed father. Just my life I have sought myself: I do official favors no one, no material thing did not get me a present ... Now, the flip side of the coin. Every morning I start with four sips multivitamin "Berokki", otherwise I do not get out of bed (I usually get up at 6.20 to get to the office on time). During the day I drink up to five cups of coffee and smoke a half a pack of cigarettes. I come home in the region of 10-11 pm. On Saturday (if you do not go out to work again) sleep until at least 12. The child is not allowed to wake my mother, "Mom would otherwise tired and angry." However, if the cell phone rings, I wake up - is sacred. In the evening I can not sleep without a sedation. On holiday I go once a year (two weeks), and I constantly ringing phone ... When lifting at each new stage of the career I had something to give up. Turning to the first serious work that I have ceased to engage in a hobby (modeling and drawing). Then we began to see each other less often with friends and family (congratulations by phone holidays and promise to call eventually came to naught), then dropped a fitness center. Now, I was horrified to realize that I was seeing her child for half an hour a day, one (often incomplete) Sunday. At the same time I norovlyu, taking the girl by the hand, drop by the store or leave her to wait until I do manicures. Needless to say about any as such communication. Work takes not only time, but also mental strength.

A few more words about my head. He is a year younger than me, and in general, it does me no better. When I saw him for the first time, I had two thoughts. The first: "Let's see, let's see why you occupy this post." And the second: "What a strange purplish-green bruises under his eyes ..." Having spent a month under his leadership, I can say this: God forbid, he would break down and retire, God forbid! Neither I, nor any other of his direct reports will not be happy to take his place. Why? Do not assume that a high post - this is just a great car, office, huge salaries and bonuses. So think only those who are big boss sees only in the series, where their main pastime - affairs with secretaries. I do not know anything about the private life of his boss, and do not know what energotoniki and sedatives he prefers. Now, please answer my question: what internal systems prevent me go to the next career step? Is it right to my guilt before the child and how I should comfort the idea that the feeling is not constructive? Weeping in the cemetery widow nobody says that her tears are not constructive ...

In short, you have touched the sick to my problem: the place of women in contemporary society, its selection, its difficulties and how to fight, how to maintain emotional background to them, where to take power. In my opinion, a career Russian women do and are not afraid to do. They do not interfere with the internal problems and complexes, and the state of society. It is not necessary to set an example to Europe, people work there today are three times less intense than we are. The work that I do and my two assistants, my German colleague performs department of five people. This is despite the fact that the West can count on personnel costs. At the same my German colleagues a marvelous free Kindergarten in two steps from the house and one nurse. And I have two nurses and a commercial garden for big money - only I can trust him. Rather, just there, if anything, I'm with someone I can ask.

Since the boss said ...

  • 50% of today's leaders recognized that they feel so exhausted that they can expend energy only on work and sleep.
  • 30% feel that it is not quite manage their own lives.
  • 20% say that due to the stress can not enjoy it to the fullest.
  • 76% are tempted to spend more time in the family *.

* R. Dilts, E. Deering, D. Russell, "9 NLP principles for Highly Effective People." Praym-2007. My German colleague resting 28 days a year. Working eight hours a day, she has a hobby and sport. She knows how many years it will pay your loan on a house, and that she will be retired. But I'm far from convinced that by investing a lot of time, money (that is to have a huge unpaid credit in the modern Russian society, I think no need to explain) and forces in the construction of our house, my husband and I will not be there alone in old age. Who knows, maybe my daughter at 18 says: "I'm sorry, Mom, I do not know you, and your house does not need me. You were not there at all important moments of my life, so why do you think that I am obliged to give you the time is now, in my old age, when you need me? I needed you, not the house. "

The consumer society is driving women to work. The men had long since have nothing against. They took off with all possible responsibility - for their children, their women, for their own path and career - and only too happy if a friend injects an equal, and ideally more. At the same time, imposing a stereotype about wanting a career with us remove other responsibilities and stereotypes - mothers, wives. Society hastens to condemn us if we do not give birth or not to deal with children, do not know how to cook, or our house looks like a dump. And if you, God forbid, I put on weight, or did not have time to do a manicure, or you unfashionable costume - you can do anything not count.

It is very difficult. And just the physical load of heavy, equally with men, work - this is nothing compared to the psychological pressure. Why do not you write about that? Not that my guilt before the child is not constructive. Thank you, I know. And how I live with it. And others live with it. Why not start with a discussion of what the female career in general, whether it is needed and what it takes? I do not think that it should be considered a priori as an absolute benefit for all, something that each of us must strive for. "

"to evolve to keep up with itself"

Margarita Zhamkochyan

Psychologies: What the psychologist would say authors of the letter?

Margarita Zhamkochyan: It is rare that a person was inside the problem and so clearly aware of it. Tatiana does not attempt either to hide or justify, nor come to terms with the situation. The imbalance between career, wealth and personal happiness is not only relevant in the modern Western society, but also leads to a profound and dramatic changes in a woman's life: change the values ​​of life, the other one becomes emotional life, rebuilt physiology (changes the metabolism and even cycle, the first children are born later in life ...). Women are gradually man's niche in society, and this will inevitably impact on their personal development. Anyway, it feels every working woman.

In some trap she gets?

M M: It is difficult to accept a reduction in their income: the money needed to choose the best for children, to ensure a decent life for their parents, live in comfortable housing, to be able to travel, though it minimizes contact with the child, family and, most importantly, myself. She is impossible to accept things as they are and enjoy life, unbearably trite advice to hear. And it seems that the situation is hopeless, or rather, only one way out: to go ahead further, sinking deeper and deeper ... M M: Today, many are looking for a "mechanical" balance - between work and family, between self-actualization and education of children ... But this balance requires us to compromise and sacrifice, and it is not in balance. Before the woman opened enormous opportunities for development, but she personally does not have time for them. Her moral dilemma and guilt associated not only with the fact that it gives the child a little time, but the fact that she was interested in another place - at work. But if at work and in everyday life, we use the latest technology, then, maybe with children should stop to chat in the old? The transformation of the human inner life to a project no less ambitious and interesting than a career requires not only development, but a real transformation, the metamorphosis of the individual. We just think that "time is not rubber": in fact, all the most important is always a place in our lives.