Workshop of my "I"
* Rebia Kuye (Rebiha Couillet) - French psychotherapist, in transactional analysis and NLP expert. Author of the book "Be yourself, learn to become a" ( "Etre soi, apprendre a devenir soi-meme", ESF editeur, 1997).
Today, I know who I am really. In front of me a few tests that I have to go through and then talk about it in detail. Interestingly, both because of some one and a half to two hours, these issues will manifest my self if I myself did not manage to do it for 35 years?
But I have come into play. And then the first surprise: they do not give answers, unlike conventional psychological tests. On the contrary, they are designed to, in response to questions, it was possible to feel its uniqueness, see your "I" in motion, in an attempt to get rid of what is holding, and feel the life-force of their desires.
These tests were designed for more precise work of psychologists. But any of us can try to pass them selves to better understand yourself, understand what prevents or inhibits and which way you need to overcome in order to become himself, to find authenticity. Enough to take the paper, a pencil and listen to your heart. And go through these three stages.
"In the beginning everyone has the resources to be himself - sure Rebia Kuye. - But the path to our mature "I" may be more or less difficult depending on what we have received as a child from the favorable or challenging circumstances of our growing up. " These tests help to start building their identity from the very beginning, to learn what units were received in childhood, which limited us who was a role model ... As a result we have been able to reconnect with their inner needs. What is very important for those who want to unleash their inner possibilities.
STEP ONE: I'll find out about their values
The values of - it is our beliefs that are important for us personally, it is something that does not leave us indifferent.
* Values - these are our beliefs that are important for us personally, it is something that does not leave us indifferent.
"The purpose of personal development - to take off all masks and understand what we really want to strive for .." - says Rebia Kuye. So. I have many favorite books, so write down the first thing that came to mind. "The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes" by Arthur Conan Doyle and the collection of short stories by Valery Popov "normal course". Now movies. Let them be, "Groundhog Day" and "Autumn Marathon".
Friends? I like Lidin (more evil) sense of humor, a strong personality and the ability to fit into any company: it is very comfortable. And Kate, I love the originality of the ability to make other people. Famous people - a psychologist Carl Rogers and maybe a group of Rolling Stones in its entirety.
What are the interim results? Holmes and "liritsky hero" Valery Popov - people are very attentive. Although they "make haste slowly", I - no.
General between the characters of the film - Buzykin and Connors - that they are trapped in a routine: at Connors situation is fantastic, and in the end it is elementary luck and have Buzykina living in the most real reality simply can not escape, and he because It evokes sympathy. Rogers and the Rolling Stones - comes to mind the phrase "your way," and the ability to follow it.
Now things: perhaps this will be a CD with photos and a credit card. Memories that can not be bought, and the real money, without which it is not easy. Situations where it hurt ... I trust - I threw; meant well - I was not accepted. Now I am calmer treat people. That is why let them say whatever they want after my death. So important to me: the integrity, consistency, acceptance without conditions, confidence in the correctness of the path ... But how to approach this ideal? Among those I have listed, there are no women, but for men there and tenderness, and weakness that are like me. But here, depending on the opinion of others is becoming smaller. Honestly, I did not expect that the post-mortem reviews did not worry me.
STEP TWO: I overcome what my limits
"This test helps to determine what prevents our aspirations in life," - writes Rebia Kuye. Without hesitation, my answer to the first question. I live, piling on a huge amount of work, podrabotok, tasks, to finally say to yourself: "I can not" - and dive (at the time) in the sweet idleness. And then - all over again. "So! Exhausting work! "- says, sitting down to write, Valery Popov hero. But he is joking! It was he who receives pleasure from work more often than I do! I allow myself to relax only when the power to the limit. What does it mean? I suddenly remember how recently brought my mother three magazines with my photos. "Well, that's good," - said my mother. She is now another idea - grandchildren, I somehow still perform only her long-time installation "You - the girl-star", although I (and, as it turned out, she) is no longer needed. A fee for the thorns, through which it was necessary to tear the stars, Severity: High pressure after sleepless nights, shame on those who have succeeded more sadness and anger that comes when something does not work ... Mom, Master of Sports in gymnastics, left sports, when I appeared. Maybe I was supposed to be a star, to realize it was her wish? I remember them with their grandmother worried when I did not work in the section of figure skating ...
The following question helps me to see myself more clearly. After five years, while maintaining the policy of "starry perfection," I'll either from morning till night frantically pounding on the keyboard, or lie on the couch, staring at the TV ... Or will inspire your child that he must necessarily be a star and perfection ... I remembered about his girlfriend Kate: she manages to not think in terms of "good-bad", she's just glad that happened. Once she said: "This text was written as if oil, and this - watercolor". I thought that one is perfect, and the second is weak and listless. Recently seriously I repeat the phrase: "Let hundred flowers" - and do not worry about how to evaluate a particular flower others. Mick Jagger, perhaps, have never and would not listen to anyone ... But me, taking others, and take yourself in this new, free quality?
Stage Three: I'm developing a script of life
Here such I have in fact: on the one hand, the dream of independence and choose their path, the other (thanks to the "star" installation) - seek how to achieve an ideal result as soon as possible, and if not, then throw this occupation ... Rebia Kuye offers concern the way of life as a maze. To find a way out of it, I have to go back to the crossroads, where he once turned their way and went to another, not to those who dream about. "The child is very early to develop a scenario of life - continues Rebia Kuye. - But relatives begin to demand something from him, crush, and it loses its direction. "
I think I will not talk in detail about memories, in which I was plunged, parental images in my childhood, the words that they said to me ... I can only say that the little robber Andersen, with whom I was then very much like yourself to compare (except when she drives a knife to the neck of a frightened deer), are unlikely to behave now become like me - it was for this very capricious. She was "a character" who I lost ...
This test helps, on the one hand, to understand the force of influence on us of our parents: their requirements and restrictions (questions 1 and 4), communication style (question 3) and the characteristics of their personality, their values and attitudes to life (questions 2 and 8) . On the other hand, we can think about their ideals and interests that inspired us from early childhood (Questions 5, 6 and 9).
For me, the most important question turned out to be nine: the end of life we would like to bring some result - as a result of this test, during which performance I like to relive his life. Now I'm not so prudent, which encouraged me to be. And not so free as I would like. But these three tests to help me re-establish contact with the demand for freedom which I have been trying to meet. They also encouraged me to sort out the tangle of my identities: those that I have formed, and those that have suppressed. Be a means not entirely reject the parental heritage. But to be able to consolidate "their" true, drawing in it inspiration and strength, enabling him to get up and take off.