Big Penis - the dream of women or men?
Letters with promotional offers to enlarge the penis, which fill our email boxes and private clinics and manufacturers of "magic capsules", confirm that the pursuit of the precious centimeters does not subside, XXL-sized penis continues to actual sexual fantasies. In our version of this topic has caused some discussion, during which the question arose: who is more than dreams of the penis as a frame of porn, men or women? The question might seem frivolous, but there is nothing so vividly characterizes the society of an era, like sexual fantasies, which it lives.
Men's fantasy: a tireless lover
"The identity of the man is inseparable from his sexuality - explains the sociologist and sexologist Igor Kon. - Moreover, in the public consciousness (especially in men) masculinity and sexuality - is almost synonymous with "*. Phallus - an object of worship in many nations. And where the cult - there myths, and myths where - there and fears. Penis and today remains a symbol of courage and at the same time a source of anxiety for men. "It is very important to me that my friend was giving me compliments, - says 35-year-old George. - It may seem ridiculous, but her words raise my self-esteem. " Such self-centered desire, seem typical for men of any age. "Sexuality does not recognize the losers - gestalt therapist clarifies Niphon Dolgopolov. - It is important to achieve an orgasm and get (bring) pleasure - perhaps why the male sexual organ is seen by many as a kind of mechanism that should not give a failure and does not require much effort on the part of its owner. " Indeed, one of the myths, which today is actively exploited by advertising and the porn industry, built on the idea of "well-functioning" of sex in which there is no place and embarrassing misfires. With this approach, the possession of the penis impressive size seems to guarantee success. "However, - says Igor Kon, - the so-called real man in our ideas have always had a long and hard, inflexible member, the main sign of manhood and strength, which is associated with high sexual potency."
size as the protection of the
Complaints to the men "wrong size" often mean ... his inability to understand the relationships, gestalt therapist said Niphon Dolgopolov.
"If the relationship is complicated, many men (and women) prefer to keep their finding to one, both seeming good reason -" small size ". This is the easiest and safest way to avoid difficult conversations and efforts to improve relations in the pair. Indeed, in the organs of the body size of the "guilty" only nature, but not its owner, and certainly not his partner. Thus, it appears that no one in the pair would not respond and no change in the relationship can not ... "
PHOTO SARRAH ILLENBERGER FOR PSYCHOLOGIES FRANCE
In most cases, the dream of a big penis expresses man's desire to be always impeccable in intimate terms. "Sexual inadequacy - one of the main fears of the modern man - confirms psychotherapist and sexologist, Jean-Michel Fitremann (Jean-Michel Fitremann). - The idea of harmony in sex is associated with erectile dysfunction: for a woman it is - evidence of her desire, and for men - proof of his ability to satisfy his partner. " In this case, sexologists claim that the length and size of the penis unrelated to erectile function, it is absolutely useless: in too deep in our unconscious entrenched idea that a big penis is immune from sexual failures. "Whenever a man turns to the sexologist about the problems with potency, he asks a question about the size of his body," - suggests Eugene Kashchenko sexologist. "But most men care about is still not the size, and the ability to deliver the greatest pleasure a woman - says Niphon Dolgopolov. - But in the understanding of many good lover - the one who has excellent anatomical data, not an erotic flair. " "I would like to see my penis was thicker - admits 40-year-old Rodion. - I think I would feel more confident and feeling my partner's sex would be more intense. " Worry about female sexual satisfaction - that's what is a revolution in the minds of modern men. "Fear not able to bring a woman to orgasm becomes an obsession for many - confirms Jean-Michel Fitremann. - At the same time men do not realize that by doing so put themselves in a dependent position: it turns out, if the woman has not reached orgasm, her partner is automatically converted into a loser. As if only he bore the entire responsibility for the sexual dissatisfaction of women. "
The complex is too large penis
Large penis can become an obstacle to building a harmonious sexual relationship. During physical intimacy, he often gives a woman the discomfort. "Real life is far from pornographic films - like family therapist Ina Khamitov. - To me repeatedly asked couples in which women talked about the strong discomfort associated with overly large penis partner. During intimacy movement of such member in the vagina it gives them pain. And sometimes (depending on the anatomy of the female) penetration becomes simply impossible. " It is no accident the Kamasutra does not advise a man with "a member of the elephant" to engage in sexual relations with a woman with "vagina gazelles".
PHOTO SARRAH ILLENBERGER FOR PSYCHOLOGIES FRANCE
Women's Fantasy: The power and strength of
Over the past decade, the gender roles in society have changed: now women openly declare their desire and right to reach orgasm. "They want to have fun, and if not, do not hesitate to say so, and often even willing to change the partner, - says family therapist Ina Khamitov. - This situation inhibits men, especially in couples where partners are not able to treat each other with care. " Modern women need a strong man. "But, fantasizing about a strong penis, most women do not have in mind its size, - says Viola, Patricia Galber (Violaine-Patricia Galbert). - They just want to feel like a partner you can rely on in terms of his experience and skill in sex. " Moreover, objectively speaking, the penis size for sensuality woman is not so important. "After her genitals very flexible and after a brief" trial "period, easily adjusted to the right size, - says Igor Kon. - Only 5% of women may experience this problem. Their sexual pleasure depends on the size of the penis is much smaller than people think, and often not at all connected with it. "
Sergei, 34 years old, manager "Her remark does not go out of my head is still"
"Four years ago at the club, I met a pretty blonde and very risible. We drank a lot, and at some point began to kiss, and then I offered to go with me. Taking off my pants, she suddenly laughed and said: "What is it you little!" If I were not so drunk, would interpret these words with humor - because of drinking I do not have an erection. But then I thought with horror: "It seems that she told the truth." I quickly "turned" a date and called her a taxi. In the morning I was just crushed! I sought information in the Internet about what size is considered normal. Then I tried to measure itself. Every time I receive other figures ... I panicked, the words of the girls did not go out of my head. Worst of all was the fact that they changed my attitude towards myself, I felt like a man who has suddenly discovered a terrible defect ... Somewhere in six months of this torture, I decided to consult a sexologist. I need the exact figure! The doctor assured me that everything is in order, then returned to me confidence. I think the question of male viability - the weak point of all men and women should take this into consideration! "
Sexual satisfaction depends on our unconscious, personality traits and life history. For therapists and sexologists obvious: if a man and a woman building a relationship of trust, seeking to give each other maximum pleasure, penis size does not play a special role. We should rely more on their imagination, sensibility and creative attitude to sex, is not trying to match someone imposed parameters.
- Igor Kon, "Man in a Changing World" Time, 2009.
- Monique Eugene "phallus. The sacred masculine image, "Infra-M, 2000.
Have a question?
- Moscow Institute of Gestalt and psychodrama (MIGIP), t. (495) 607 1157, www.migip.ru
- Society family counselors and psychotherapists, t. (495) 517 7524, www.supporter.ru
* I. Cohn "Sexology". Academy 2004.