Why us something to regret?
"Why I did not confessed his love to her!"; "What a pity that I did not continue to learn!" The feeling of regret ... says that we experience some shortages, suffer from a lack of something. To us comes the belated realization that an action or choice that we once did not commit, could change our lives for the better. That's what "not" regret differ from torments, guilt arising at a time when we realize that we acted badly.
Unfortunately, it usually refers to something that happened in the past. Why do we sometimes years iterate over missed opportunities and continue to suffer in this regard? "When we look back, we realize that we had a choice, and we could do otherwise, - explains psychotherapist Fiyoza Isabelle (Isabelle Filliozat). - to reflect the decision made then it takes time, but it is in such moments, we learn a little more about yourself. " All the more so in fact we always regret the same: do not listen to him and did not do what we really needed.
However, it is a bitter feeling may be constructive, we just have to find time to reflect on what it says, ask yourself: why do I regret it? Why that day, I did not listen to yourself? "Regret is changing our attitudes, our behavior - explains psychologist Galina Shengerova. - Motivated by this feeling, we analyze what happened, a better understanding of themselves and others and as a result take more informed decisions. " Regret says that would make us happier. Because we and worth listening to that feeling.
For example, we can blame myself for that at a meeting with a potential employer did not show the full interest in the vacancy. Most likely, the next time we are better prepared for interviews and can be sincere and convincing at the same time. Regretting that have not helped to fully colleague we can talk to him about it and ask for forgiveness. Repentance - another positive consequence of a sense of regret, it helps to come to terms with its past.
Regret says that would make us happier, so it is important to listen carefully to this feeling - as an alarm. But it is dangerous to dwell on his regrets, otherwise they become futile and painful. "It is useful to look back to make contact with himself, but it is important to go back in time to the present and look to the future - says psychologist Neil Rose (Neal Roese) *. - When we see new opportunities, plans to build, experienced a feeling of regret help choose the right direction, it is a stimulus to action. Conversely, when we permanently closed in on the missed opportunities thoughts, we lose perspective and find ourselves at an impasse. " "The wise man does not grieve about what is not, but rejoices in the present," as claimed by the Greek philosopher Epictetus **. It is worth and we learn to recognize: "My choice is correct, because I made it." This will be the first step, if not happily, then, in any case, to a more balanced and mature outlook on life for us.
* From the speech at the 70th Congress of the Canadian Psychological Association in June 2009 in Montreal.
** "Conversations of Epictetus." Ladomir, 1997.