To be closer to their children!

To be closer to their children!

Women: seek help, are not willing to cooperate

Many mothers admit that they have mixed feelings when her husband is committed to actively participate in the lives of children. Sometimes they are not ready to give up their "monopoly" on the control and the adoption of important decisions, difficulty learning to parent cooperation and true partnership. Thus, answering the question of who determines what children can do, at least 9% of respondents took a decisive role fathers *. "Women continue to perceive their fathers as a helpless and inept: man praise already, because he brought a child to walk home safe and sound," - says the sociologist Igor Kohn, author of "The Man in a changing world" (Time, 2009) . That mother, as a rule, keep in mind the daily routine of children, all plan and remember: when to go to English or aikido, who takes the child out of the garden and what day should be prepared to the task of drawing. Because of this, they are often convinced that contact with children should be well-defined (and only true) method. For example, my mother used to before going to bed to stroke her son's back, and his father wants to wander with him in an embrace around the room. His father's way of laying works fine, but the mother still insists on his own. However, the situation is changing: women under 35 years old are more likely to trust men parental responsibilities than older women, whose own fathers a little involved in family care. ** In addition, young mothers often assert themselves in the profession, and therefore are not afraid to give up the position of her husband in the family.

* M. Malyshev's "modern patriarchy. Socio-economic essays. " Academia, 2001. ** Time, 2007 June.

When they are absent

Along with greater involvement and interest of those fathers who live with their children, there is another trend: an increasing number of men who are in their children's lives are virtually absent. The growing number of informal marriages, divorces, illegitimate children means that more than a third of children spend most of their childhood with a single parent. * Girls, c early childhood rosshey without fathers, reach sexual maturity faster and more prone to early pregnancy. And boys can be low self-esteem, they have less trust in people and more likely to commit crimes. Children from single-parent families on average lower levels of education, they are less successful and may have difficulty with the creation of his own family.

* N. Cabrera et al. "Fatherhood in the 21st century". Child Development, 2000, vol. 71, № 1.

Society: a contradictory message

Modern society, declaring the importance of the presence of the father in the family and its role in the education of children, in fact, everywhere shows that fathers do not perceive seriously. Among the qualities that should have a good father, "the ability to make money" (75%) ahead of "caring" (67%) * in the public consciousness. Fathers are reluctant to provide maternity care, business leaders are not prepared for the fact that the man does not go to work when the kids are sick, at parents' meetings the vast majority - the mother, and even a doctor in the clinic, seeing that the child came to the Pope, asking convey my mother made all destination. "The identification of parenthood and motherhood, to some extent preserved in the Russian consciousness to this day", - says Igor Kon. In other words, a good father is still in the eyes of the public assistant mother, mum number two, by definition, incomplete. * The survey was conducted by the Levada Center in 2004. Read more on the website

The hormonal process of

Men who have recently become fathers or waiting for first child, increases the level of "female" hormones - prolactin (causes lactation women) and cortisol (involved in the formation of maternal instinct) - and reduced levels of the male hormone testosterone. * After the birth fathers increases the production of oxytocin - the hormone of trust and loyalty. However, these changes occur only in the event that fathers are close to their children.

* According to the materials of the conference Society for the Study of children's development, in April 2009, the United States.

Men: to be a father while remaining a

Today, for example, the American father spends an average of 7 hours a week to care for the child: it is a bit, but twice as many as in 1965. About 60% of high school students plan to reduce their working time when they become fathers (although it is unlikely they will manage it in reality) *. In different countries there are books and books for fathers fathers about their own parents' experiences (see. "This"). Men approach this subject from the perspective of anthropological research, a little detached studying a foreign culture and the nature of such phenomena as the children and their education. Thus fathers ironically refer to themselves in this role and do not expect to master it perfectly. They have a lot of doubts in his competence, but little sense of guilt. Psychologists tend to believe that parental status for men is no less important than for women **. And turning to her father - one of the central tasks of personality development of an adult male, and at the same time test of its maturity.

Moving to the "new fatherhood", it is important not to lose some male component necessary for children. Paternal parenting practices focus primarily on what to teach the child to live in society. Well, if the father in the early years of raising a small child (although this is not peculiar to men by nature), but its role is becoming increasingly important as children mature. Father as a model of male behavior, father's games (more risky and challenging), the rational mind, just his physical accessibility necessary for the child's development. However, according to Igor Kon, "men and women have different roles in different situations." It is not only children need loving, interested, close their fathers, but men need children: to give new meaning to their lives, to be surprised and enjoy seeing how they grow, at last, to join their special way of thinking and a strong sense, which adults sometimes sorely lacking ... * "Modern man from A to Z". Discovery Channel, 2008.

** Perinatal Psychology and Psychology of Parenthood, 2008, № 4.


  • Mikhail Epstein "Fatherhood. Metaphysical Diary ", Aletheia, 2003.
  • Nikolay Kryschuk "Diary of the father," Star of 2005, number 9.
  • Kevin Osborne, "I am the best dad! A comprehensive guide to the fathers, "AST: Astrel, 2006.
  • Grigory Oster, Andrew Bilzho "Bad advice fathers growing children", AST, 2009.