I kept waiting for the worst

I kept waiting for the worst

PHOTO ERIC GIRIAT FOR PSYCHOLOGIES FRANCE

Bad news caused panic Alina. She was 36 years old and she is very afraid of becoming a victim of an accident. Sergei 25, and he has no doubt that will not pass the interview, because he is a failure.

A 28-year-old Ekaterina is convinced that "probably sick," although the survey results confirm that it is all right. "After the alarm, feeling of insecurity or a feeling of inferiority (which occur without any reason) appear deep fears, which are often linked to the fact that we have experienced as a child", - said Konstantin Yagnyuk psychoanalytic psychotherapist. Undoubtedly, it is difficult to live, knowing that there is a risk to be ill, to become the victim of an accident or losing a loved one. But if you constantly expect the worst, to live freely and happily impossible.

"I'm confused with the inevitable bad"

Stanislav, 42 years, photographer "The first time I felt that I was afraid, when he became a father. It was almost animal fear of death, but then he collapsed on the many concerns, smaller and more surmountable. I installed bars on the windows and an alarm connected to guard against robbers. Ceased to travel by car to avoid accidents. My wife laughed at me. And I was annoyed by her nonchalance. I questioned my mother. She talked about her wartime childhood, about the constant fear of the bombing, and I realized that the "inherited" her anxiety without danger in reality. I realized that confused anticipation of the worst, with the inevitable: life can throw up surprises, and sometimes the bear and the real tests, but it does not mean that they lie in wait for me at every step. Today, I have to talk about it. But I will always worry about their children. "

Tips outsider

Do not try to convince the person, constantly waiting for trouble, that he was safe. Yes, he can catch the sudden death, an accident can happen to his children, falling in love, it risks a soul wound. But emphasize that even if all this is true, at the moment there is no threat to him. Live - means to be exposed to an imminent risk of death and loss. And the only opportunity to enjoy life - to take that risk, which is the tragedy of our existence. Can not be complacent and do not spare a man. On the contrary, try to make him laugh. Humor as nothing else is able to specify the fear of his true place.

The fear of reality

Anxious people are trying to protect themselves from real or imaginary troubles: they refuse to close relations, so as not to suffer any interruption, inactive, in order to avoid failure. "This behavior is indicative of a deep fear of life, - says Konstantin Yagnyuk. - The man is afraid to do things, to move towards the goals. He protects himself from the too intense emotions or effort, but it gives a temporary sense of security, and then generates the blame for the fact that he lives half-heartedly. These people buy freedom from the fear of the cost of partial self-destruction. "

Guilty Without Guilt

Accidents, sickness, crime - all that tell the media, they try on. Waiting for the worst means you can not earn the best for them. Such a reaction is indicative of an unconscious sense of guilt. "His experience is not an adult, and the child who lives in each of us, - the French psychoanalyst Nabati Moussa (Moussa Nabati). - If it was once offended, and inflicted moral or physical injury if he had witnessed experiences of parents (job loss, quarrels, alcoholism), he feels responsible for them. It grows with the thought that for the happiness always have to pay the pain and suffering. " This experience distorts and darkens the outlook on life, predicting more trouble. Therefore, the media reports only confirmed his fears: "What happened today with other, happen to me tomorrow." And before people again allow yourself to be happy, he would have to penetrate deep into the past, to heal their emotional wounds.

What to do?

Examine your fears

To get rid of the constant expectation of trouble, you need to realize what are you afraid of really. It is likely that during your anxieties hiding a deep fear or painful childhood memories. The most important thing - to clearly see the cause of fear: it will help to change the attitude towards them.

Identification

Excessive fear of a non-existent danger is due to a particular vision of reality: you can identify with people who are really affected. Write down your feelings and analyze what is causing your anxiety. And then come up with a good end to the terrible stories. Then be sure to say that it will only help you and not the victims, with whom you yourself have identified.