He was cheating on me
"A teenager is hiding the truth? This is normal - explains child psychologist Daniel Marcella (Daniel Marcelli) *. - Adolescence marks the end of "transparent" relationship between the child and his parents. It should take this ... to a certain extent. "
"The other day your son claimed that slept with his best friend, who told the same story to her parents. In fact, the two spent the night at the computer a classmate whose parents went to the cottage ... Your first reaction - extreme outrage, confusion, even rage: he could lie so brazenly? What are they doing? It must be punished!
Teens 13-14 years tend to slip away from their parents because they feel: it's time to become self-reliant. Hence the sudden appearance of small deceptions, omissions. Beside themselves with lies teenager, more recently, such an open and defenseless, the parents accused him of unwillingness to trust them ( "I'm very disappointed,"), and are constantly reminded of the dangers of mass ( "I want to know where you are and with whom"). In fact, their words lurks the fear of losing control over their child. Nothing can be done, puberty marks the beginning of "opaque" relationship with the children, and this has to agree not to slow down the natural process of growing up.
Another thing, if we are talking about a serious cheating. Forgery of a signature on a document, or stolen from your wallet money - offenses so serious that it is necessary to intervene decisively, to clarify its position and to monitor the teenager for some time. Think about the possible causes of fraud: his difficulties at school? Does he have enough pocket money? Is there enough freedom you give him? Most often, children are forced to lie to their parents, who themselves may fail to deceive the child, or do not give him any opportunity to demonstrate independence. Some teens fib constantly inventing itself exciting life, to give himself the weight in the eyes of his friends, to draw attention endlessly employed father or mother. It is also possible that the withheld from them "shameful" the details of family history: prison past someone from the family, drugs, love affairs ... Unconsciously adolescents reproduce the behavior of the parents, who better to decide on a direct conversation with his son or daughter, but do not blame them for cheating ". * DANIEL Marcella, Head of child and adolescent psychotherapy and psychiatry, University Hospital of Poitiers (France).
- Daniel Marcello "Practical psychology for adolescents. 100 of the most difficult situations that you have to endure, "U-Factoria, 2008. The book is addressed to young people, would be the real" first aid "and their parents will notice the error in their own actions, to overcome the crisis in the relationship without heavy losses.