Try a different way: how to offer, how to respond?

Try a different way: how to offer, how to respond?

Cadomazohizm, dominance and submission, Swing ... Recently, in sexuality as in fashion, began to appear its current direction. And sometimes it seems that you need to try out new practices ... or proslyvesh person behind the times. "Without realizing it, people, especially young people, are under the power of fashion - explains sexologist Sergey Agarkov. - Some of them believe that "development" need all the experience. In reality, many practices are attractive only to a small part of the people. However, they offer a whole, since it is associated a huge media and the commercial market. " But not only fashion pushes us to search for new sexual experiences. With their help, we hope to discover in themselves new parties, to explore the boundaries of their desires. And for these motives, we almost always need to partner participation.

The ability to open

Are we trying to play a significant role in the scenario for us or experience certain feelings, we are faced with the question of the compatibility of our desire to partner desires. "In a sexual relationship, we are approaching the other with his" toy basket, "- says sexologist Breno Philippe (Philippe Brenot). - In this basket are kept our desires, needs, fantasies, practice. Each partner gets his toy, figure out whether it is suitable for toys partner and decides whether it is possible, by combining them, to play a new game. " Contrary to what is commonly thought, sexual compatibility does not appear from the outset, even if the partners are on the same wavelength. "It takes time to surrender his own will and pleasure, - recalls sexologist Naida Dobaeva - but you need time and to feel confidence in the other person, and open it." 37-year-old Inna says that mutual understanding between it and the 35-year-old Anton established with the first meeting: "We are just in line! With him I can be very active, even dominate. With other partners, I do not allow myself probably felt that they did not understand. Anton as well: at last he may be subject, without shame and without feeling that it deviates from the norm. " Opportunity to open without fear of condemnation and humiliating failure - that is what creates sexual compatibility. In the intimate space we can find mutual interest and participation of a lot of new. If a person does not feel the confidence from your partner, if sexual relations do not have curiosity, interest in cooperative play, then some specific request could be a source of misunderstanding. "The development of sexuality is closely connected with our personality as a whole. If the request of one of the partners, expressing his deep desire, encounters a failure, it not only affects the sexual sphere, but also in the relationship partner and can be a source of conflict ", - continues Sergey Agarkov. And it emphasizes that there is a difference between failure caused by shyness (for example, if the request was made too early), and the refusal, which means: "Your ideas about sex is not the same as mine!"


This action has two other names: Bondage and Shibari. Bondage (from the English. Bondage) is considered part of sexual bondage and subculture is carried out by means of ropes and other devices, including circuits and cuffs. A Shibari ( "shibari" in English transcription) is performed almost exclusively by means of a rope made of natural fibers and closer to pure art, although it retains pronounced erotic overtones. Shibari source - ancient martial arts, part of which was the ability to securely tie the prisoner. Aesthetic and erotic value Shibari acquired only in the middle of the XX century. Then there was a special theater where the audience ought to enjoy the ability of masters to fix the model's body in a predetermined bizarre and sexy pose. Today in Russia there are workshops that teach the art of Shibari, and sexual contact between the master and the model is not intended to, or has even been banned.

A joint study by the

Sexologists are unanimous in saying that consent to sexual experimentation improves relations only on the condition that it is caused by a desire to counter, rather than the fear of losing a partner in the event of failure. "In the agreement that we are giving forced, sooner or later have to pay for the loss of attraction to a partner or their own physical and mental health - warns Naida Dobaeva. - Moreover, if such practice is repeated from time to time. For the existence of the pair as a whole is a disastrous way. " Develop those relationships in which two people are united, full of confidence in each other, when one realizes how far he can go with a partner, and no one does not get the feeling that it will show up, or fear to show their true colors. "If a partner's proposal does not meet the instant positive response, and produces mixed feelings, it is better to take a pause for reflection - said Naida Dobaeva. - losing a new opportunity to start in your mind, we can better understand their own feelings and think that hinders realization of fantasies and how this obstacle insurmountable. " 37-year-old Marina has agreed to implement a fantasy of her husband about the rape. But I could not cope with the feelings that were too strong: "As soon as he grabbed my arms, I cried out:" Come on, asshole, "I did not think it would cause such a rage in me. Only the address to the psychotherapist, I was able to realize that life is unbearable for me as my mother in subjection and fear, not daring anything to contradict her husband. " Sometimes sharing fantasies itself turns into an exciting game, which is a great pleasure for partners. Our preferences, desires, perceptions of acceptable change depending on many factors, such as age and time of year. With different partners and we want to, and allow different practices. It is important to agree to the new practice was mutual, and possible refusal was seen as the realization of the right to free choice.