When the unconscious intervenes
The dispassionate (seemingly) office environment often played the real drama. Spending in the same room, for the intensive work for 8-10 hours a day, many of us are experiencing strong pressure. In such a situation of conflict can not be avoided. The intensity of love and hatred is worthy of classical tragedy. After all, we come to the office with his (accumulated since childhood) emotional baggage doubts, anxieties and unresolved problems.
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"Relations with colleagues often reflect those links that have been established in our childhood with the closest people, - says Vladimir Dashevskiy. - Communicating with such an authoritative figure as the chief, we again "lose" their relationship with parents and colleagues spontaneously perceive as brothers and sisters or other relatives who are loved, or who were jealous. " In this psevdoseme that we build unconsciously, the coach can be an impartial mediator and friendly. It helps to hear what was said directly, and voiced something that usually does not say. Thanks to him, you can learn how to set the right priorities, to focus on their abilities (rather than past mistakes), to better understand the colleagues and superiors.
Coach - not the therapist. He cares primarily about the professional performance of each employee and the team as a whole. The word coach is translated literally as "coach", "mentor" - the one who leads to victory. Coach - attentive interlocutor, which helps to clarify the purpose, to make the right decision for the given circumstances, to develop an effective strategy of behavior. But he worked through psychological problems, it does not go into the details of the family history, which in many cases are the key. So often his clients are parallel psychotherapy. The duration of a coach depends on the client's needs: from one meeting to work together for 3-12 months, while communicating once or twice a month. Cost hour consultation - from 3000 rubles. AA
Vladimir Dashevskiy, a psychologist, a board member of Russian Association of Business Coaches.
Three workers torque
1. "Why did not greet me?"
Elena, 28 years old Economist
"I do not understand anything. This morning, the chief did not even greet me. For the whole week if he said a few words, then so coldly that it would be better not to notice me. I never smile - as if I were not a man, and the car! It looks like he's mad at me. But why? However, I was late on a Monday morning, but after I explained the reason: I had a terrible night, because the 6-year-old son again suffocating from asthma, I had to call an ambulance. To catch up, I went for lunch and stayed later. But the fact he ignored. But always notice when something is wrong. I do not often seem to me that he hates. "
Dmitri, 48 years, Chief Financial Officer, Head of Helena
"Problems with Elena? Oh no, everything is ok. She is responsible girl and a normal worker. I have no claim to it. Of course, it can make a mistake, but who does not? You say she was late on Monday? Quite possibly, but I do not pay attention to such details. The main thing is to get the job done on time. I trust the staff who clearly do their work, and Elena just is one of them. It is - a professional who cope with their responsibilities. Her family problems? Personal problems do not concern me, I can not afford to pay employees more time than required by the business. "
Looking coach: "Mutual misunderstanding between the employee and the head is very common and can gradually develop into a latent conflict. Elena needs attention, it needs to constantly feel the respect and support of their leader. Dmitry does not understand this need and consider the relationship with Elena (as with the other slave) only in terms of workloads. He saw no reason to be aware of their expectations, feelings and emotions. Elena as important emotions. She does not dare to talk with Dmitri, as a result it has accumulated irritation, sometimes it seems that it is ready to explode just from resentment. In order to remedy the situation, it is necessary to pay attention to Dmitry emotional side of relationships with employees. With Elena also have to work on her high expectations: because of them she was in emotional dependence on his head, and it is very difficult her life. During the coaching, you can offer her a concrete plan of action: to greet the first (this will help remove the suspense of a new meeting with the boss); clarify their duties (understanding what is expected of us, makes the relationship "transparent") and still openly discuss what it so disturbing, with Dimitri. As a result, he realized that the chief, as a pragmatist, set solely on business communication, Elena can accurately build a dialogue with him, in the relationship will be clear and easy, and with them the feeling: I appreciate ... "
2. "Because of her, I lose my job!"
Olga, 43 years, Assistant Chief of
"Since our company came to Valeria, my life has become a nightmare. It builds like a sort of working horse, and in fact, in order to achieve their own, ready to go over the heads of everyone, starting with me. I can clearly see her play. These artfully unbuttoned shirts, mini-skirts, too bright lipstick ... Of course, all the men in our office only on her and watch. This careerist always sticks out in the office of the chief, "Igor Borisovich, I have a question! Igor Borisovich, explain! "Until I have it with their questions, of course, does not condescend. And no wonder! After all, leadership handed her a part of my responsibilities, not even telling me. For what? After all ties with the media has always been involved and I, so to speak, stuffed hand. And now she was assigned in addition be an internal press release for the company's employees. If this continues, I will soon have nothing to do at all. "
Valeria, 28 years, PR-manager
"I do not understand why Olga from the outset took a dislike to me. Perhaps she does not consider me a professional - in our media communications company she really understands better! But I did not have the courage to ask her for help. What did she think of me? What a fool I am, which will take off from work before the end of the probationary period. And now I also instructed the press release! How do I cope? The leadership did not always have the time to bring me up to speed. And managers from the sales department! They always stick out in my office, talking and flirting. When finally at least someone will know that I need help? "
Looking coach: "Tension has arisen due to a combination of errors in management and interpersonal conflict. Olga was a fait accompli. No one explained to her the feasibility of a new destination, which she took as a threat to their positions. It seems that a new employee "captures" its working area. Olga stung by this appointment, and therefore that this situation once again sharpened her childhood experiences. It saves insults on a young colleague, jealous of her to their common boss, not realizing that just once jealous of his younger brother to their parents. As in many families the adults are rarely consulted with first-born, whether the second of the plant, and Olga, have long been working in the company, a fait accompli by taking a new employee. And she again felt helpless girl. But she is not so very confident and ready to load themselves with work beyond measure, just to earn the respect of colleagues and leadership. Younger "brand new" addition makes Olga doubt his female appeal calls into question the relationship with their male colleagues. Emotional conflict is exacerbated by the rivalry of women for a place near the boss. Valery did not understand the situation and clearly unable to cope with it. Who should start the conversation? Valerie as "brand new", it is difficult to have the courage to invite Olga to have dinner and talk frankly with her. Olga also feels that her dignity impaired, and will not make the first move. Assess the situation and defuse the tension - is the head of the task: he may first meet with each employee, and then invite them to discuss the situation in private. "
3. "I must lead his colleagues"
Mary, 31, head of the project
"Perhaps I should not have to settle for this increase. When I worked as a programmer-analyst along with the other employees of the department, the situation we had a warm and friendly. They are laughing, joking, sometimes wash up bones superiors. But now the bosses - it's me, but they can not or do not want to understand it. It all started with my attempt to accelerate the deadlines for projects. They just patted me on the back as before, and bantered: "What do you depict the boss!" I had to restore order rigid methods: a few emails with copies of his superiors, the magazine of working time, a pair of non-renewal of contracts. Discipline improved, but when I go to the office, all fall silent. And go to dinner the whole company without me. "
Andrew, 24 years old, analyst programmer
"Since Mary was to lead the project, it is simply unbearable. It's really a shame, because she's smart and pretty girl, we used to have fun together. But that day, when she was promoted, she almost passed us on the "you". And now shakes the nerves, all the princes here Overtime, there control. She is constantly dissatisfied with something. Power dizzy, that's for sure. " Looking coach: "Jealousy former colleagues for promotion - the difficulty of all newly appointed senior managers. Many of us are inert and are not ready to see the head of the one who was still yesterday we were equals, and today guides us. So that the appointment of the head of a colleague - a test for both sides. At that moment, always check the authenticity of relationships, affection, friendship. And Mary should take this test with gratitude, because it will allow her to see what she can rest in work, and who will only continue to speak evil against her. But Maria - a perfectionist, "excellent student" and would appeal to all members of the team. As a result, she was in emotional dependence on their opinions. Each newly appointed chief, like Mary, we have set the right distance from their former colleagues. To gain credibility, familiarity with the need to say goodbye. And the restraint does not hurt - gone are the days when you could happily gossip about anyone. The simplest solution to the problem - re-establish a relationship with each team member. Start a conversation, not at the same time avoiding sensitive issues: "Yesterday I was your employee, and now took the place of the head. How do you perceive it? Now I am very difficult and it is important to feel the support of colleagues to know your opinion about our projects. " To some extent the responsibility of the board - the loneliness. But the burden of power can be worn gracefully. "