Do not rush to leave!

"I feel as though I am very small and was lying in a hospital without a mother. I am absolutely helpless strangers around me, I do not need anyone ... "So once confessed to me Elena, my patient, from which her boyfriend left.

Do not rush to leave!

PHOTO Getty Images

"I feel as though I am very small and was lying in a hospital without a mother. I am absolutely helpless strangers around me, I do not need anyone ... "So once confessed to me Elena, my patient, from which her boyfriend left. Why do some people react to separation from a partner depression? Often, such a reaction is directly related to early separation from parents. Children under two years of age can not tolerate the long absence of his mother, they are unable to understand that my mother will come back, and if it is not more than three weeks, simply forget her face. They have not yet developed the brain structure responsible for memory.

LEAVE CHILD ONLY WITH THOSE familiar to him. AND NOT IMMEDIATELY FOR THE WHOLE DAY, but gradually, so that he could get used to.

In a recent experiment, the Canadian scientists, participants talked about themselves in front of an unknown audience *. Almost all celebrated at this moment a violent release into the blood stress hormones. They were then asked to speak again, and most of the speakers have reacted much calmer, their hormones are not changed. But 10% of the hormonal surge was retained for subsequent performances: these people have experienced childhood abuse or ... an early separation from the mother. So, on the force stress of separation is comparable with the stress during child abuse. It's not just about leaving the mother. At the age of two years long stay in the nursery or hospital also cause permanent severe stress to which the child is not accustomed. (Note: in children over three years of high levels of stress in kindergarten is observed only in the first month, and then they adapt.) Due to the consistently high levels of cortisol immune system deteriorates, and the children often get sick - it will confirm all parents early to send their children garden. On the other hand, suffers from brain development, which determines the poor tolerance of stress in adulthood. Those who have experience of such children often experience depression and harder to tolerate separation from a partner (Elena, as it turned out, in the year and a half spent a month in the hospital, without parents). But what about those who, due to circumstances still can not stay home with the kid the first two such important year? At least not for a long time to leave or take the child with them. Prioritize, to compromise and to not plan at this time a career breakthrough. Leaving for work, leaving the child with the only person he knows who to tied - and not just for a day, and gradually increasing the time of separation, so that he could get used to the new device life. Whereas negative consequences are mitigated. And most importantly, give your child at home as much as possible the heat - maternal, paternal, anyone. Attention and affection loving people will never be superfluous. * K. Harkness et al. "Cortisol reactivity to social stress in adolescents: role of depression severity and child maltreatment". Psychoneuroendocrinology, 2011, vol. 36 (2).