Do you have a harmony in sex?
5 questions to ask yourself
1. What symbolic role played by a partner in my sexual history?
2. When I say "still"? And when - "enough"?
3. My partner still feels to me sexual desire?
4. Where else other than sex, I use the energy of your libido?
5. Whether it is present (a) in my sexual fantasies?
What do the answers to
1. Each of us - the hero or heroine of the story of his life. We carry within their own myths, which have wizards, dragons, and archetypal characters (father, mother, a handsome prince, sage). Our mythology is composed both from our personal history in general and of the history of our intimate life. Analyzing their sexuality, it is important to find out what role it has played our partner. This helps to clarify our intimate biography and see its relationship with the symbolic dimension of life.
2. During the time that you together in your intimate relationships, and there were wonderful, unforgettable moments, and those in which little good. There are situations for which you want to respond to the unconditional "yes", while others cause rejection. In more prosaic terms, sex has such gestures, postures and behaviors that you like, and there are those that you do not take. Having dealt with the fact that you like to do and more, and so, what to avoid, you can make sex divided areas and combining two pleasures, that allows to develop together.
see also sex therapy
3. The meeting of two people who ultimately decide to join, affect our erotic nature. We choose another partner, because it causes us concern emotions that trigger our desire. But, as we know, a habit of life, the appearance of children, financial and professional problems - all this leads to the fact that we lose sight of the erotic dimension of life. If we think that there can still cause sexual desire in a partner, we can pay more attention to his seduction - and the ability to seduce is needed to continue the relationship. The book on the subject
Ulrich Clement "Good sex, despite the love" This is - not a manual on sex. The most virtuoso technique pales before the "do not want". Where there is no desire - it is useless to discuss ways to meet. Therefore, Professor Clement, founder of the Institute of sexual therapy in Heidelberg (Germany), I decided to write about something else - about the nature of desire.
4. Libido - a vital force contained within each of us. It manifests itself in intimate terms, as well as in other areas - in work, hobbies ... To reflect on their sexuality - then look at themselves as being with the desire ( "I allow myself to have fun with your partner and with other people?" "I think about masturbation?"). These questions and answers are necessary for a fair and accurate analysis, which will allow a better understanding of how your libido manifests itself in marital and other relationships.
5. Erotic fantasies awaken desire. It makes sense to ask yourself, how to change our fantasies, were they the same as before, and most importantly, what we can project a fantasy now and in the future on our partner.
5 questions for two
1. Were we able to talk about our sexuality with affection?
2. What is the place we attach to sex in our lives? How it changed his role in this pair? What changes we would like to see in the future?
3. What are the highlights of our sexual history, we remember?
How do we use this experience?
4. What is the type of our sexuality?
5. What we have yet to explore?
What do the answers to
1. To talk about sexuality - is not easy. Therefore, to find out if our couple managed to maintain such a dialogue, we ask the key question, which will not only help us to draw some conclusions, but also open up the fact that we were not able to say to each other. In addition, it is important to understand whether our communication about sex quite gentle, accepting, understanding and friendly with respect to the requests and other difficulties. We get a chance to stop arouse your partner a feeling of guilt and come to a fair and calm dialogue. 2. Many couples are no longer considered sex a way of communicating. Sexuality reduce their rare moments of intimacy, sensuality and fades into the background. Talk about sex, to redefine its place in the relationship and in depth dialogue partners means return him to the role of inspiring and stimulating. To do this, it is important to openly discuss the importance of sexuality in the life of two people, and to understand how it might evolve.
3. As in dialogue with itself, together desirable remember sexual history pair. The story about the memorable moments of intimacy, about funny episodes, failures, lack of understanding ... Together dive into these memories, share them with each other then again with relish relive moments of the past, or moving away to a safe distance, to feel that it was important to determine that we would like to do in bed and beyond.
4. Each pair is inherent in the type of sexuality. Of course, we all are mixed types. But still worth it to see what form of sexuality is dominated by you. This work will enable you to get to know each other, and therefore, play with images, models and clichés ... Here are some possible ways of classifying sexuality. But you are free to invent other, their own criteria.
Mechanical sex: more compelling reasons than welcome. Sexual impulse arises from the duty to make love regularly, and not their own, which makes the search for intimacy with another person.
Passionate sex: the keyword is "passion", the focus is on a full merger and the simultaneous orgasm partners. This glow, look intently in the eye, and "failures" here are unacceptable.
Animal sex: it is subject only to the attraction! Another perceived as an object, which is adapted to the requirements of sexual desire or sexual needs. The sexual act is a very intense and bright, but short: the cry, discharge, perspiration. Sublime sex: intimacy conceived as a ritual, as a way of familiarizing the shrine. Partners breathe in unison, looking at each other, saying rather that they are on the same wavelength, or vibrate in the same tone, not about orgasm. Do not hurry and wait as long as necessary to feel desire only when it has a nobility and loftiness ...
But back to the questions. Are we satisfied with the type of sexuality, which is inherent in our couple? In some, has not been investigated, the side we would like to move?
5. Sexual Life consists of many areas, and each of them is boundless. When you step onto the "terra incognita" of pleasure, before you will certainly open new doors! Lovers - those who every time inventing ways of communication and intimacy. Again and explore each other's bodies again then bring in the sex life surprise, surprise, surprise. Wondering what the white spots still have a sexual relationship, the partners embark on a new adventure, create your own project, expand the space of their sexuality. In short, instead opening up new land.
"Erotic fantasies enrich our relationship"
Kirill, 39 years old, six years of marriage with Inna, 44 years
"In contrast, Ina, I doubt whether we should do to respond to the questionnaire. I thought, this can still be a point when the relationship ends and you are summing up the results or do you come to a standstill and are looking for a way out. Neither does not apply to us. Also, I was afraid that exposing our closeness "accounting", we can destroy it is something very subtle, magical. For example, we both recognized that our sexuality is and "animal" and "sublime" - and this to me was enough: more detailed analysis of such things as I thought - this is just silly. Still later, in spite of the doubt, I realized that thinking about proposed issues (at first alone and then together) helps us to truly understand the role in the life of couples playing a desire, a place to have sex. I saw the important thing: our erotic fantasies fueled not only our intimacy, but our relationship at all. When we asked ourselves how we see our future in the sexual intercourse, it became clear that for us it is important to continue to support the emotion, the intensity of desire, to avoid banality and routine. This requires attention (and very good!), Mutual understanding and indulgence to a partner, and to himself. As a result, we have discovered how similar our erotic fantasies and how at the same time our differences heated desire. Perhaps it makes sense to keep this test to answer the same questions in a few years! " Record Hope Wasilewska