Growing up ... Or maybe not necessary?

Growing up ... Or maybe not necessary?

The main ideas

  • We idealize the young. They focused advertising, copy them, those who are older. Seriousness is equated to boredom.
  • We are not in a hurry to grow up. Often only close to forty years, we feel sometimes surprised to learn that maturity has come.
  • We remain a part of children. Fortunately, it is impossible to be an adult, always and everywhere. We need a balance between play and responsibility.

"How and when do I become an adult? I have not the faintest idea! Although I do not consider myself neither a child nor infantile - wrote the philosopher André Comte-Sponville (André Comte-Sponville). - But this transition took place very gradually and imperceptibly. It was not an event but a process, work, long convalescence. I've never felt that childhood - the happiest time. Becoming an adult meant finally choose happiness as opposed to childhood "* Perhaps we want to part with my childhood, but whether we are prepared to be adults? One of us (no matter how much we may be years) does not cover the sometimes fear of not cope, not able to fend for themselves, the desire to hide under the covers? Among those with whom we discussed this "Dossier," many shouted: "Adult? I AM? Fortunately, there is. " Do adults turn into an endangered species, to the club, which start in less comers? Is it any wonder that in our time, when the seriousness and maturity not very appreciated?

The boundaries of life

Adulthood - is, of course, the fact of personal biography, an inner feeling that can come at any moment. Public opinion is inclined to think that the older we get between 16 and 24 years **. "In general, for most of our fellow citizens adulthood lasts from 16 to 60 years - says the sociologist Alexei Levinson. - These boundaries roughly coincide with the matriculation at the beginning and the pension certificate (for men) - at the end. " However, 29% of young people aged 18 to 26 years old do not see themselves as adults, and in the next age group (26-35 years), these too much - 10% ***. But there is another perception, less tied to the passport age. "Now youth greatly pressed adulthood, and teenagers up to 20 years are considered children, - says social psychologist Margarita Zhamkochyan. - Before our eyes, active, I would even say aggressive, due to adulthood, youth is extended. Many are predicting a gradual disappearance of the concept in general: adults do not grow old, the children do not grow. " Many of those who are already under forty, sincerely believe that plead for adults - so give up ... Advertising constantly appeals to the youth, and went so far that the young have become the main reference group. Creative advertising agencies, living in an artificial world that Frederic Beigbeder described in the bestseller "99 francs", as Victor Pelevin - in "Generation P", it is difficult to get used to the idea that purchasing power is now farther away, the more passes to people older age.

Confusion orientations

we are capable to give a precise definition of an adult? While we have not grown, it seems to us a sort of "man in the case" - reasonable but boring character, embodying the rules, restrictions, prohibitions. Thinks, for example, Pippi Longstocking from the children's book by Astrid Lindgren: "Adults are never really fun. Yes, and what they are doing: a boring job or modes, and speak only of corn and income taxes ... And they spoil yourself up because of stupid ... "Or is it to be an adult, have their joy, its harmony? "A grown man - one who does not need their parents - claimed a Hindu mystic Osho. - Adult person - the one who does not need for anyone to cling to and rely on anyone. An adult - is the one who is happy with myself, "****. But the definition of André Comte-Sponville: "Growing up means loyalty to both childhood and renunciation of the desire to remain forever a child."

This failure for many of us is not easy. Before our eyes disappear common border between teenagers and "young adults" who continue to listen to the same music, wear the same jeans and sneakers ... The children, meanwhile, are increasingly can not afford to leave the parental home because of the high cost of housing or, having left, soon returned to the nest. Many adult children continue to receive financial assistance from their parents: they learn longer and later begin to work. And why hurry when, in the opinion of many, life begins at 40?

DOUBT CLEAR: say goodbye to childhood dreams, to assume the burden of responsibility - This program is not very attracting ...

Take into account the reality of

A century ago the child had no recognized status. Apprentices of eight or ten in many respects led adulthood. After all, the only way to express themselves was to enter the circle of adults, and as early as possible. Now almost all the contrary: the young are considered a privileged social group. adult status or impaired, or, conversely, becomes unreachable. The road passes through adulthood adoption (far from our wishes) reality and leads to the horizon, beyond which - death. And many would prefer as long as possible to evade the entry this path. After all, to give up dreams, carefree and simple joys of childhood - not too attractive program.

When this transition occurs, we usually realize after the fact? It seems later and later, after thirty, and sometimes closer to fifty. However, everything depends on the circumstances. "I'm very early age of seven, began to be considered like an adult, and I have long ceased to be", - says neuropsychologist Boris Barber (Boris Cyrulnik). He lost his family (and he miraculously escaped) in 1942. Much later, marrying and becoming a father, he "realized that life - a great game in this mortal world, nothing is more important than playing."

The onset of adulthood - the event of personal stories that everyone has their own. Often we feel that matured when there is an important event - the birth of a child or the death of a loved one. Contrary to popular belief, women are more likely than men to take their adult status. "When I first saw her boy in the cradle, I said to myself that I could never again even for a moment to relax without checking first that he has everything you need," - says 36-year-old Olga. Babe waiting for the world to perform any of its desire, so adult knows he will have to give your child your attention, time, money, and even their lives ... Sometimes, though, a sense of maturity deceptive. "Over the years I realized that I considered myself an adult long before learned the adult behavior, - says the journalist, founder of Psychologies Jean-Louis Servan-Schreiber (Jean-Louis Servan-Schreiber). - If in relation to a child I do not feel any nostalgia, it is because at that time I was addicted, and today I am too fond of their independence and freedom of action. I felt that reaches maturity, when no longer afraid of his own shortcomings, someone else's opinion, no longer afraid to speak the truth, to be afraid of the traps of life, and death, too. And I learned that the perfect adult - someone who was able to finally know and accept yourself. This assures us that we will never become an adult until the end ... "

Is it perfect?

Sometimes, it is believed that the goal of psychoanalysis - do adults who are not yet fully grown, as Freud wanted to free us from painful childhood captivity. This great writer Oscar Wilde said: "Young children love their parents, then they judge them; sometimes they forgive them. The teenager - who judges; adult - one who forgives. " This does not mean that we should or can be grown all the time. One-piece "solid" adult only exists in the imagination of children. This illusion is now undergoing children earlier and earlier, as well as the desire to grow. Face to face with life, we quickly realize that it is equally impossible not to give up to be an adult, or they become completely.

And this is only for the better. It is not that personal development is to learn yourself really, to be able to combine responsibility and carelessness, seriousness and play, openness to others and the necessary distance? "Ahead of adult personal prospects - only old or non-existence, - says André Comte-Sponville. - But it was not too concerned. He has something much more urgent. More important. There is something real that continually passes. There is the reality that is. " After all, to be an adult - so as to be able to drop armor, to open, to be present. And this is not easy given not only to each of us, but also our society, says film director Pavel Lungin: "I have not yet matured, and I hope to remain a child until the end of life. But our society matures. The previous 10 years it had been a child, and we have built relationships with the authorities on the principle: "Dad, punish me, I'm bad! Dad, praise, give me a piece of candy! "Now, we have become teenagers. The main issues at the teenager: "Dad, you respect me ?! Why are you lying to me ?! "And no program - which program may be a teenager? Now we need to go further - to adulthood. " * A. Levinson, "The institutional framework of old age",

** Poll Fund "Public opinion", 2010,

*** Osho "Fate, Freedom and soul" (All, 2011).

One of the three states of our "I"

Parent, Adult, Child - transactional analysis argues that these three are present in each of us. Here is what the creator of this trend psychotherapy Eric Berne, "adult" I "is essentially nothing but a computer. This is a rational and logical identity portion occupied predominantly data processing, such as large electronic brain; feelings and emotions thus to adults have no relationship. We see an adult when a scientist presents findings to a group of his colleagues or when the housewife checks his bank account. Adult - is the one who works. Mental process required carpenter to hammer a nail, it is the responsibility of adults. But when he, missing, hurt his finger, adult gives way to another state, "I am." Not always, however, it is best to be as an adult "I"; at parties, in most cases it is painful. "*

* From the book "Introduction to psychiatry and psychoanalysis for the uninitiated" (Medley, 1998).