Mediation makes life easier
Solution number 4
If you resolve the conflict persists, the situation comes to a standstill, to restore the balance in relationships is capable of neutral and friendly look from the outside. The therapist will help you understand why we were so offended quarrel or why we are unable to find a way out. Coach or business coach will tell you how to understand the complex hierarchical relationships at work. Family therapist will understand where there is a failure in a relationship with a partner or with kids ... Any professional assistance benefits. We decided to draw your attention to a relatively new method of conflict resolution - mediation.
Part of the law, part of psychology, sociology, and a little part of linguistics: this is the recipe of mediation. Independent third - the mediator - creates a confidential and constructive atmosphere during the negotiations and provides the conditions for achieving a solution that does not infringe any of the side. This differs from the mediation proceedings, the outcome of which can not in principle satisfy both plaintiffs and defendants.
"The court - it is almost always a point in the relationship, and the mediation - dot - says mediator, lawyer and psychologist Tsisana Shamlikashvili. - Conflicting pairs are involved in volunteer and make independent, no one imposed solutions. The third party, the mediator, assists the parties only to hear each other and find a solution that satisfied everyone. Important issues are resolved quickly and rapidly, and financial costs and moral costs are much lower than at the trial. "
However, mediation - not necessarily an alternative to the court, it helps to find a solution in relatively mild cases. Its purpose - to come to the options acceptable to all, whether in family matters (divorce, inheritance), relationships at work or in situations of social or health issues (conflict with the doctor). Surprisingly, people who communicated only by e-mail, through the mediator agree to talk and make important decisions for ourselves.
- The Center for Mediation and Law t. (499) 253 0130, mediacia.com
- The National Organization mediators t. (499) 253 2226, npnom.ru
- Mediation and Conflict practical t. (812) 328 9771, conflictology.spb.ru
- Mediation Center t. (343) 375 1536, mediation-ural.com
for Conciliation Resources
If desired, each person can find the strength and resources to resolve the conflict. However, at the beginning of the mediation process is hard to believe: the partners are set against each other, tense or aggressive, they each have their own beliefs, goals, vision of the situation. And you have to be very optimistic to hope for a positive result ... However, the art of mediation is precisely to help see and take another point of view, and then work together to find a way out of the crisis. Often - an unexpected and creative. "To begin with, each participant voiced the goals set before him - explains Tsisana Shamlikashvili. - All turns are expressed, the mediator ensures that the facts are not distorted and everyone was able to hear them. The mediator does not recommend, does not judge and does not tolerate any conclusions. His task - to remain neutral and stay open. At the same time, he tries not to extinguish the conflict, by contrast, allows the parties within reasonable limits, to show their emotions. The focus is always interaction between participants of the conflict, their attempts to see the cause of disputes and quarrels from a different angle, to understand their needs and the needs of others, without which it is absolutely impossible to come to a constructive, rather than compromise. "
It is important to determine when the conflict began to emerge, find a node quarrels and disputes. The mediator asks questions, pay attention to non-verbal cues (posture, gaze, facial expression), trying not to miss the moment when the pressure leaves, comes at least a partial understanding, there are convincing arguments. The situation changes when people feel that they understand that their pain is heard, fear and anxiety are taken, and the long-awaited word. At this point, the connection is restored, and partners can move forward. In 2010, Lufthansa successfully used mediation to resolve the dispute with the union of pilots, who was going to go on strike and thus could cause multimillion damage to the company. "Participants are important to understand that to have his own - not the main thing, is much more efficient to make a move toward the other, to quickly and successfully to get out of the crisis - adds Tsisana Shamlikashvili. - Of course, in the process of mediation the parties can not always come to a decision, but if it happens, they signed agreement is legally binding. "
48-year-old Sophia asked the mediator to "good divorce": "Probably the first time I was able to speak freely about what I care about, and get immediate response to the criticism and condemnation ... I saw that my husband (now former) hears me, and it helped me to turn to hear it. And so, despite all experienced insults and disagreements, we were able to solve all the difficult issues and to agree on how to be with children, property, money. It remains then only to formalize the divorce. " "Mediation is much more successfully cope with the challenges that confront a conflicting side, compared to traditional methods of dispute settlement, - says Tsisana Shamlikashvili. - Every day, helping to find a solution in the most difficult situations, we can see that people are able to negotiate with each other to keep the relationship for the future, worrying about the quality of the lives of their loved ones. - especially children, who suffer during conflict and in situations of divorce. In addition, the desire to understand each other better helps us get rid of the categorical in relation to other people and ourselves. "
The old practice new profession
The idea of reconciliation of the conflicting parties with the help of an independent mediator, who has long worked in Europe, has received official support in our country. On January 1, 2011 came into force a law that secures the status of the new profession and defines the main principles of mediation *. It can be used not only for the settlement of labor disputes and family, but also in the field of copyright law, medicine, education, banking and insurance, if the results of the mediation shall not affect third parties. Professional mediators can work people over 25 years with higher education and passed a course on the training program for mediators.
* The text of the Federal Law № 193-FZ "On alternative dispute resolution process involving a mediator (mediation procedure)," see. On the website of the State Duma duma.gov.ru
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