I want to get everything at once
They are totally incapable of waiting. And hurry to get out of life all the fun right away - like living in a perfect world, where there is no place failures and pauses. Why this insatiable craving for pleasure? And how to reduce the pace of this race?
Svetlana, 30 years old, an advertising agency manager
"When I want something, I give myself the day before to fulfill his desire. This psychological trick to help me get rid of the painful habit of doing endless shopping and work without rest. Whenever I think about a new dress or an important project - it seemed to me then that it is necessary to act immediately! And now, when I visited such a thought, I save it for a day to quietly ponder: do I really need? And often the answer is negative! "
Wait your turn, step by step towards the intended target - this is unbearable for these people. They make sure that their wishes must be carried out immediately. If not, they just slam the door. More educated companion, more interesting work, a gentle lover - they are always searching for.
"The requirement to immediately meet any request - a characteristic feature of our time, - says family therapist Sergei Medvedev. - But our needs grow indefinitely: as long as we satisfy them, they are becoming more diverse, and their number increases. This multiplication of needs creates tension, anxiety. And the alarm generates a sense of dissatisfaction and desire to drown. " It is a vicious circle from which escape is not easy. The increased emotionality. Such people tend to be very emotional. They are guided by momentary feelings, it is difficult to build far-reaching plans and obey the rules. "Most often it is those who were, or still in a tense relationship in their family of origin, and has difficulties of psychological separation from the parents" - explains Sergey Medvedev. Indecisiveness makes them dependent on external stimuli.
Perfectionism. They live under the motto "Either do it well or do not do it" - and the same demand from others. This is a typical property of perfectionists who believe that they deserve only the best. Perfectionism makes people good fighters, forcing to achieve high results. But it also becomes a source of constant anxiety: people of this kind never feel complete satisfaction, their constant companions - the frustration and anxiety. The origins of the problems found in education features. "When parents indulge the slightest whims of the child, he grows up with the idea that the entire world should obey his wishes - says cognitive psychologist Plait Didier (Didier Pleux). - The very first hurdle, which he stumbles when he grows up, he will appear end of the world. "
to fill the void inside. For others, the desire to have everything at once expresses the fear of never and nothing else do not have, says psychotherapist Catherine Emle-Perissol (Catherine Aimelet-Périssol): "With the active work they create the illusion of fullness of his life. Waiting is a feeling of emptiness, so they tend to fill it - and as soon as possible. " Routine duties and boredom with which most of us are able to fight, armed with patience, cause people like the feeling of thin air, the therapist explains. In addition, these "restless nature" feel as if life itself flowed from them, drop by drop. Want more - for them it means more to feel alive and so protect themselves from death.
What to do?
Think about what you do not like
in the current way of life. What's stopping you or an excessive saturation, and what would you do if you lived more quietly? Give yourself the right to choose.
Analyze your feelings
at a time when the wait for the desired becomes unbearable. Anxiety and anger grow, and it is certainly not very pleasant. But, watching yourself, you learn to be patient and so reduce your stress.
Give yourself time
heal the wounds of failure, before throwing in the search for a new desired object. Then you will be able to more sober assessment of its appeal and the need for you.