I find it difficult to entrust the child to others

When thinking about how to give the child the wrong hands, your heart contracts? Why so much anxiety and how it justified?

I find it difficult to entrust the child to others

Child psychologist Galia Nigmetzhanova helps adults better understand themselves and their children.

Your son for the first time hold a summer month without you - he goes to the nanny to the sea. Daughter goes to the country to his grandmother ... When you think about what would have to give the child the wrong hands, the heart is compressed from anxiety. Some parents feel that the other person can not cope, nedoglyadit and always something happens.

The causes of fear is often rooted in the past. Some of those adults who find it difficult to let go of a son or daughter, overly patronized their own parents. And now they unconsciously reproduce the same model of behavior. Or, on the contrary, parents cared little about them, and, as adults, they instinctively choose the opposite scenario. "Someone leaving the child afraid of the fact that deprive (albeit temporarily) control over them, - says Galia Nigmetzhanova. - A need to control every moment of the life of a son or daughter may be due to the fact that the parents in the child feel vulnerable to the threats of the outside world. "

Another facet of the situation - a question of (non) trust. "Doubt in another - whether it be a nanny, sister, grandmother - can hide the lack of confidence in themselves, weakness of its own position - says Galia Nigmetzhanova. - Anxiety often appears where we operate by inertia, without analyzing, for which all ventured trip. In the absence of clarity, we fuss, worried about domestic trifles worry that a child overfed or spoil, losing sight of the importance of communication with the grandmother, for example. How else can give him the experience of belonging to a race? "So, sending a child on vacation, should first of all understand their intentions and priorities. "Think and even write down what you expect from a man who delegate responsibility for the child - tells Galia Nigmetzhanova. - Then, at the meeting (but not on the run and not on the phone) discuss all "points of agreement", possible concessions and permissible boundaries. " It is important to build a relationship with a trusted person as a partner, who together with you in charge of a child. to be honest about your concerns and just explain that you approve of, and what not to take in any situation. But at the same time respect other people's opinions and be prepared to discuss the new circumstances. Your child will learn to build a relationship with another person. And you get the experience of confidence to others, and therefore himself. And you feel more competent parent. Is this not a reason to be thankful for? "

French psychologist tells parents about how children learn to let go farther and farther away from you, not depriving them of "insurance" and leaving one on one with problems (Clever, 2014).

Galia Nigmetzhanova leading Moscow psychologist psychological family support center "Contact".