Three ways to express sincere sympathy
empathize with - the person that comes to the meeting with the other person to be around in grief and joy. "Empathy suffering person excludes merger with it when" I - it's you, you - it's me "- warns psychologist Olga Krasnikova, author of" Loneliness "*. - Merge - the path to addiction. "
Here are a few guidelines that will help to find a middle ground:
1. Just be there. Personal presence is sometimes much more difficult, but also more important than the "object" substantive assistance.
2. Listen and hear. Listen - then tune in to the other, not a "wave". Listen - it means to be attentive and to notice not only the words of another, but also the intonation, eye and facial expression, gesture and posture, as well as feel the context. Hear - it means to penetrate the sense that the source is investing in their words. This meaning is not always clearly expressed, because not every well-formulated his idea can explain clearly. And it happens that the man did not understand it is what he wants to share. Therefore, it is important that the listener was the most focused on the conversation, because any word can be the key to understanding. Ability to listen and hear can be developed. For a start it would be nice to learn how to be silent when someone says, not trying to interrupt him, to pick up, be sure to express / to impose their opinion, comment, give their own interpretation or evaluation. But it can be difficult - in silence, carefully going into every word and intonation, listen to what the person is trying to convey to us. By the way, sometimes the purpose of the narrator is not at all to the person he knew - it is important to better understand. So give a person a chance to talk, to be listened to and heard often meant to give him an invaluable service.
3. Understand - means to accept the language and meaning another. Formally, we use the same language, but really speak different languages. Our language is filled with personal meaning, reflecting personal experience. Personal experience - is the context that determines the additional meanings of speech. To penetrate the personal sense, that is to understand the other, you need to make an effort to listen, to learn to recognize the nuances of his speech. This requires time and attention. Sometimes, to understand - it's meant to help. You can not share the feelings that a person is going through, for example, do not see the reason for his resentment or guilt, even believe that he is something wrong. But it is important to recognize its right to feel right now what he feels - resentment, guilt, anger, grief, not trying to change his mind, to reason, not seeking justice, not appreciating it, and what happens to him. After receiving emotional support and acceptance, most people will calm down and be able to look at your situation in a more sober look and maybe see what was wrong. And most importantly - it will not feel lonely.
* Olga Krasnikova - counselor, head of psychological center "interlocutor", the author of "late and unfulfilled promises" (Nicaea 2014) and "Loneliness" (Nicaea, is scheduled for release in October).