Online dating - a waste of time?
Find a loved one on the internet - what could be simpler and more reliable? We do specify search criteria and choose the ideal partner - appearance, education, interests. But the unions, the established online, research suggests *, do not last long - they break three times more likely than normal marriages. Why?
One of the reasons is, paradoxically sounds - too much choice. On dating sites, we review dozens, if not hundreds, profiles and photos, choosing and rejecting, as if it were about the dishes on the menu. No matter how appropriate it may seem another candidate, we are always waiting for other sea - is only a mouse click. "The situation is really reminiscent of the restaurant, - says professor of biological psychology, the author of" How to emerging sexual desire "Toats Frederick (Frederick Toates) **. - Who among us, having eaten well, felt a sudden hunger when a dessert? Sexual desire in this sense can be compared with the feeling of hunger - an abundance of potential partners on dating sites only fueling the appetite. "
In addition to viewing profiles takes a lot of time, we are quietly to themselves become too critical. The American Psychological Association found that the more profiles study Visitors online dating sites, the more they are inclined to condemn and reject candidates who do not meet at least one of their request. We want instant gratification for your time and effort (he or she will simply have to be ideal!), And we do not want to invest in relationships, to know a person closer. Another problem with dating sites is that they offer us as a partner who likes the same movies, books, dog breeds, sports and leisure - in other words, we are looking for his clone. From a biological point of view, this method is unlikely to help create a happy union. "Opposites attract" - remember the old saying? In fact, the perfect partner for us - people, least of all us alike. "The best partner for marriage - the one whose immune system is totally different from yours," - says geneticist Dan Davis (Dan Davis) ***.
In this sense, an acquaintance in real life has a greater chance of success. Face to face, we may subconsciously assess whether our future partner genetically suited. Oval face, height, body size, skin tone, hair and, finally, the smell - valuable tips, which can be seen on our genetic compatibility with the pleasant male or female.
"Sexual desire is born from a combination of touch and visual stimuli, smells, sounds and touch, - explains Frederick Toats. - They act on the brain, on the one hand, here and now, and on the other hand, awaken fond memories with which we associate incentives. " Play this situation, considering the profile in the computer, it is impossible. Based on it, we can easily miss your mate on a dating site, wasting time on those we do not fit. * Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 2014, vol. 17, № 10.
** F. Toates "How Sexual Desire Works" (Cambridge University Press, 2014).
*** D. Davis "The Compatibility Gene" (Allen Lane, 2013).