Recipe children's happiness

Recipe children's happiness

From our relationship to the child depends on whether he is happy, open, self-confidence will grow. But how to find the necessary balance? American psychologist Diana Baumrind (Diana Baumrind) created a model of four styles of parenting, which are determined by two major manifestations of parental attention to the child - sensitivity and demanding. Under the sensitivity she meant warmth that parents show towards their children: more empathetic adults around the support of their children, are less sensitive does not accept them. Insistence means that parents supervise their children develop rules and strictly require them to comply, while the parents are deprived of this quality, the rules do not produce at all.

The combination of extreme manifestations of these properties and create parenting style: authoritarian, indulgent, reckless or authoritative. Of course, there are also mixed types: for sensitive and demanding not necessarily expressed in the maximum degree, or absent altogether.

What are the features of each style? Explains child psychoanalyst Anna Skavitina:

1. Authoritarian: high demands, low sensitivity. Children of such parents often fear. They grow anxious, lonely and unhappy, can not tolerate frustration, easy to give up, or, on the contrary, are beginning to show hostility. It is usually well in school and are not prone to anti-social behavior. 2. indulges low demands, high sensitivity. These parents really love their children, but do not understand how to educate them. As a result, children are struggling to cope with their emotions and do not know how to control them, tend to rebel and do spite if their desires are not met, do not know how to cope with difficult tasks and prone to antisocial acts.

3. neglects: low demands and low sensitivity. Indifference and coldness make children emotionally complex: they rarely have confidence in people, often violent. Despite the need for love, can neither receive nor give it to yourself. Typically, they can be difficult to learn. They find it difficult to get along with people who have a stable family, stable relations in the workplace. They often learn to fend for themselves. They may be prone to hypochondria.

4. Authoritative: high demands and high sensitivity. In this combination, all at the time. It was only this style of parenting makes children happy. What is its secret? Parents are demanding, but kind at the same time. They explain the rules and encourage children to express their opinion about the rules, give them independence, but also to instill values. Children grow up competent, self-confident, with a well-developed self-control. Able to establish a friendly relationship with their peers, always in a good mood is stable, eager to research and do not avoid new. Ideas Diana Baumrind times received confirmation. For example, in 1994, young people and their parents in the course of a lot of research to fill in special tests, which can then be repeated in a year *. It turned out that the way adults behave, scientists can predict how a child grows up. The one who grew up in a family with authoritative parents, character and behavior were consistently good, and the children growing up with parents neglecting behavior, especially in adolescence, it became worse.

However, the high sensitivity and high demands usually do not occur by themselves, but are the result of conscious choice, and the inner workings of the parents themselves. But that does not make for the sake of happiness of children!

* L. Steinberg et al. "Over-Time Changes in Adjustment and Competence among Adolescents from Authoritative, Authoritarian, Indulgent, and Neglectful Families", Child Development 65, number 3, 1994.