Daffodils know that insufferable. But continue to love yourself

Daffodils know that insufferable. But continue to love yourself

among your acquaintances, for sure, there are daffodils. And you know exactly what their charm and self-confidence often turns into arrogance; mind - self-satisfaction; charm - flattery. They can talk endlessly about themselves, but when they ask about you ... But they never asked. A difficulty in communication (with friends, colleagues or spouses) habitually explain myself envy or misunderstanding on the part of those who turn away from them. Change their behavior as they can not because they truly do not understand what is wrong with them.

It was such a picture of the people of narcissistic warehouse until recently. And now the news: Psychologists have found that daffodils know what they're insufferable. Their opinion of themselves, indeed, very high, but over time they realize that their friends - or former friends - find them self-satisfied and self-centered people. However, an understanding of this, alas, is not an incentive to change something 1.

In the study, psychologists studied three aspects of narcissism: self-perception, perception of others and metavospriyatie - how, in the opinion of daffodils, they are perceived by others.

"We started off with an experiment in which tried to understand whether the first impression from the meeting coincides with daffodils that people think about them to friends and old acquaintances, - says the psychologist, the head of research of Erica Carlson (Erika Carlson). - To participate in the experiment, we gathered a group of 201 students who were not familiar with each other. " Each of the participants filled out a questionnaire, noting their strengths and weaknesses, and responded to 40 questions of the test called "narcissistic personality questionnaire" (Narcissistic Personality Inventory). In particular there was required to answer "yes" or "no" to such paired statements as "I am a born leader" and "leadership - a quality development which requires a lot of time" or "Sometimes I'm good at telling stories," and "Everyone loves to listen to my stories". Then, in pairs, participants interacted with each other a few minutes, and then re-filled in the questionnaires, noting what they think about his interlocutor, and that, as it seems, the caller thought about them. At the same time, psychologists connect with friends and friends of students and questioned them about the personal features of his old friends.

It turned out that those who have take first place in the ranking of narcissistic traits (ie, rated themselves as particularly clever, attractive and sociable), considered as that of the new acquaintances formed about them the same impression. And they were mostly right.

Moreover - which is surprising, are aware that the people who know them well, do not share their high opinion of themselves. They recognized that the old familiar, indeed, tend to view them as unpleasant egocentric. Still, we were confident that their close friends think them funny, attractive, honest and intelligent, while in fact, my friends, if once and considered them as such, it has long ceased.

Psychology students from the second group (they have never met before) several times during the semester, completed questionnaires that determine their propensity to narcissism and their self-perception, and representation of metavospriyatie impression about them by other members of the group. Those who took the top places in the ranking of narcissism, at the beginning of the semester made a dazzling first impression on classmates and understand it. But by the end of the semester they were considered less pleasant, more arrogant, prone to boast or exaggerate their abilities. Daffodils understand that attitudes towards them have changed, but they are still valued very highly. "Metavospriyatie daffodils closer to social reality than their self-image, - said Eric Carlson. - Participants in the study of non-daffodils correctly determined that people with narcissistic character warehouse believe that "deserve special privileges or special treatment", aware of this, and yet continue to believe that it deserves. " This limited understanding of their own personality traits daffodils does not promise anything good, despite the fact that it indicates greater their capacity for self-analysis than previously thought 2. Psychologist says the statement of the famous American architect Frank Lloyd Wright (Frank Lloyd Wrigh): "Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose honest arrogance and see no reason to change its position. " Such confidence narcissism can be forgiven Wright, whose buildings have long survived his personal shortcomings. Most of us - whether we are daffodils or not - whether we will achieve this recognition? So we, and should be more concerned about relationships with people, because they can be the best monument that we leave behind.

1 For details, refer to the website of the National Center for Biotechnology Information (USA) -. Ncbi.nlm.nih.gov. 2 The Harvard Business Review January-February, 2000.