Four exercises to talk with your partner about sex
Feelings of guilt, anxiety, and shame - the barriers that prevent us to speak freely before, during and after sex. However, according to sexologists, the erotic art of conversation can master each.
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Some people during the next do not talk, do not discuss your desires and do not describe my feelings just because it prevents them from concentrating on their feelings. If they start talking, their bodily sensations are less vivid. In this case it is necessary to warn the partner. You are at the disposal of non-verbal means of expression: the groans, sighs and interjections.
But what if we just confuse conversations before, during and after sex? If we do not dare to utter the words that just beg on the tongue? If you do not know what to say and how to say? If you are unsure of the partner's reaction? Can I learn all this? Such talk quite natural, calm sexologist Irina Panyukova. In her opinion, the art of erotic talk can master each. Here are some guidelines sexologist.
1. Conduct a rehearsal
See and hear how to speak the erotic themes movie characters how to pronounce such words. Read erotic fiction (for example, such classic works as "Dangerous Liaisons" Choderlos de Laclos, "Lady Chatterley's Lover" by DH Lawrence, "Tropic of Cancer" by Henry Miller). Feel the words, do you think that reflects your feelings, evoke an emotional response. You may find some humorous phrases, with a slight tinge of playful that you will be simply to say. You can check out the online funny captions to erotic pictures, watch erotic postcards with witty inscriptions. Remember that humor is always facilitates our task as difficult for us to do something because of feelings of guilt, anxiety or shame. Alone with a try to say aloud the words or phrases. Speak them with different intonations. Say a few times in front of a mirror. Try to write them. Listen, that you have at the same time going on inside, which causes a greater response and that you find it easier to pronounce. Tried and mastered these words, do not tell them right partner and to start to write text messages or postcard.
2. Compose your story
Write an erotic story or an erotic tale. What gives? On the one hand, you put on your fancy words and thoughts, but the writing seems to be not about himself but about fictional characters. So you shoot the barriers of guilt and shame. Can you write a story for himself. Or show partner, if you feel that he will like it. Alternatively, if the use of some medical terms in a conversation with a partner you feel emotionally emasculated, try with him to come up with the name of your genitals or give them names. You can come up with a story about these heroes. Names can be used not only in person. SMS like "Sly Fox sends greetings pioneer Pete" is sure to be greeted with a laugh. This again helps to remove barriers, both liberating.
3. Come from afar
It happens that we do not dare to speak freely about sex, because they do not believe that the partner will love it. In this case, try reading erotic fiction together. Partner or send a link to some erotic stories, articles about erotic and ask him to read. And then ask what he thinks about it. Look along the film, where the characters are talking to erotic themes and see how the partner reacts to it. If positive - Take a mental note and try to use the same language. If negative - then you should not do. When you are uncomfortable directly start a conversation about your fantasies, do it in the form of a game with a partner of forfeits.
4. Proceed step-by-step
If you are very important to talk about your fantasies and your partner is abhorrent, it is necessary to act patiently and methodically, gradually leading him to such conversations, and even more so to realize their fantasies in a safe form for him. For example, if you watched the erotic film together and the partner he called rejection, discuss it in a joking manner, and then from time to time back to this conversation. Then to some solemn event, such as your birthday, ask your partner to make you a gift - exercise your imagination. Alternatively, in some special romantic setting, follow the desire of the partner, and then ask them to do in response to what you want. If he refuses, do not worry, do not despair, and very friendly and easy to move in this direction. In no case do not press, and look to him approach the best in the playful form, it does not look as violence. Suggest experiment, promising that no one would know about it, "Let's play three minutes. As if it's not us. "
The most important thing - not to dramatize the problem. We must look for ways out of it - eco-friendly, cheerful, with a sense of humor. If you find yourself "on the other side" when your partner started to talk to you about their fantasies and you are lost, remember that at this moment he is very vulnerable. Be considerate. But if his imagination threatens your well-being (for example, it is associated with rudeness, violence, pain), rigidly answer "no."