My children have become friends?
How to improve relations between their children? And what we have our own childhood experiences? Adele Faber, the future author of books about the lives of children, once participated in a parent group that is looking for an answer to these questions. For myself, it has made some conclusions.
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"What are we surprised? After all, we have not forgotten how to fight with their own brothers and sisters? Why now do not try to use his experience with a brother or sister, why not try it on their children? When I shared my thoughts with the group all at once began to speak: and that girls experience is not necessary to raise boys, and that being a child, who willingly fights, not what being a father, who must hold children from the fight.
Everybody had something to remember. Junior constantly brought to tears, slighted, and they still feel insecure and can not cope with the leaders. Seniors, on the contrary, were in command, pushed around by younger and still trying to be leaders, bosses, and no it does not feel happy. At some point, we began to realize how much power are our children's emotions and how they affect now our families and our children. "So that's what they feel our children! .." And if it is just that we have set ourselves the wrong problem? Why I decided that my sons will certainly need to be friends? I am suffering, going crazy, but life shows that many brothers and sisters friendship impossible. But there is no hatred.
And now there are my grown sons, one - the artist, the other - a scientist. At first they were joking and pin up each other on the specifics of each. Then seriously discussing the work of his fellow leaders - one in the art, the other - in science. Immediately inflames debate, what is more important to society - art or science. They try to convince each other, then agree that the one and the other is important. A minute later, the conversation is thrown in the past. Inveterate anger rises, and they argue that someone who did it and why, explaining everything from the current position. After a while the mood changes again. And here they are laughing together, recalling anecdotes of childhood. As if there are two forces. One pushes them away from each other, using the differences between them, emphasizing their separate and unique. Other - pushing them to each other so that they can feel the wonderful feeling of brotherhood.
Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish "Brothers and Sisters. How to help your children to live together "The Book of American specialists in communication is indispensable for the parents who are exhausted by constant quarrels and jealousy between your children.
I was surprised that it became easy for me when I realized that the differences in the interests and temperaments that separate them as a child, still alive today. But I realized the fact that over the years has helped them to build bridges to connect these sovereign island. If they need each other, they have a way by which one can reach his brother. In vain I tried for many years to establish the friendship between them, I should think about how each of them was himself, sovereign islands, and bridges will impose themselves. And because they are so different, then the attention and love they needed not equally. I tried in vain, assuring them that I love them equally. They still did not believe me. "