"I no longer want to receive assessment"

After another psychotherapeutic session call mom. "Well, how did it go?" - asks the mother traditionally. And then, as if in jest, he continues: "You were a good fellow? Got five? "Mom, I say. I do not get grades from the therapist, either good or bad. And this is very important. These are the rules of the game. And it's pretty cool.

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Once I got a good evaluation from the therapist. Evaluation escaped her, I think, by accident, by chance. I then complained to her that feels unable to be organized, collected, responsible, and that feel their inferiority compared to the other - who naturally turns to follow the obligations taken on, even the smallest. "But in fact, you are the most organized and responsible client of all my customers", - said the therapist, and at that moment I felt a twinge of pleasure.

But then, on reflection, I realized that I do not like. I did not like to hear praise, excellent evaluation of my qualities. Why? Probably because psychotherapy - non-judgmental space in general. client therapist praises - but it also means that it is never the client does not scold. And if he once praise, it would mean that I would wait for him to praise every time.

"Please do not praise me more," - I said to the therapist at the next session. This incident made me realize that I live for evaluation from the side, for the sake of this external evaluation are adjusting their behavior in many situations, and I do not want to continue to strive to do so in the future. I do not want to get a deuce, and I do not want to get five. I do not want to receive external evaluations, I would like to have its own internal rating system: decide for itself is good enough or not I do not blindly focusing on the opinions of others. Yes, I do not want to get ratings, because I just want to be. Experience the emotions that I feel, to have those values ​​which I have to be the way I have. And by the way, what I am? That's exactly what I would like to discuss with your physician - and not the merits if my "I" a perfect score or two.

Yes, if I once received praise, I want to get it further. And yes, in the day when I, proud of whatever their quality or achievement, do not hear the approval of the general practitioner mouth, I feel that I was not tried, not good enough am fit.

In psychotherapy, no one puts evaluation: the customer is divided, the therapist listens. It can give your "feedback" to say why, in his opinion, it hurts me, but it seems to me so important that it can turn my attention. But to assess? No, because there is nothing to evaluate: I can fit only to itself and not some scale successes and failures.

I told my mother: Yes, everything went well, very well. I realized something. I now have a nice sense of perspective: to understand myself, I can make my life better, richer and clearer. For themselves - and not for the one who came from the outside, it decides to evaluate.