You too want to please: 5 warning signs
There is nothing wrong in the fact that we want to please other people. However, for some this desire is too high: they are willing to please others, sacrificing what is important for their own well-being.
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Here are five signs that your desire to please others becomes excessive.
1. You never say "no"
If you say "yes" in response to any request addressed to you, which means that, most likely, you have to say "no" to something important to you personally.
You take up all the things you would not have asked, depriving themselves of the opportunity to spend time with his family. Or neighbor decides to reject an invitation to visit, though because of missed training in the gym. Such reliability allows you to make some conclusions.
What to do? If you are used to answer "yes" on the machine, try instead to say the following: "I need to think, I will answer later." Thus you will have a little time out to think about what you have planned and would like to do is actually, not to promise immediately.
2. You have trouble making decisions
The habit of answering it, you have to want to hear the answer to the other, sooner or later it will affect your ability to make decisions.
Everything from a new pair of shoes and ending with the choice of food for dinner, will be difficult, if over time you put in the first place the opinions of others rather than his own.
What to do? to be sensitive to their own impressions, their preferences and the fact that you, on the contrary, not to their liking. What exactly are you a real pleasure, brings peace of mind and satisfaction or invigorates and sharpens the taste for life? Gradually it will be easier to listen to him and understand their needs and desires.
3. You try not to ask for the help of
Often, people who help others without a hitch, it is difficult to ask for help for themselves. If you find it hard to turn to others with whatever was requested, you lose another valuable life resource.
What to do? Set a problem: at least once a day to treat someone with a request, even the most insignificant. Let colleague will bring you something from the cafe, which is going to go to a meeting, or someone from the household walk your dog for you. Over time, you will be easier to ask others about whatsoever.
4. You do not live in harmony with their values of
If all your energy goes into it, so as not to disappoint the other at any time and do what is expected of you, it means that you do not live in harmony with their values. For example, you like to spend the weekend with the kids, but at the same time your friends are constantly asking you something about one of the other favor. If you can not refuse them, there is a risk that you will never remain the forces that have to yourself. Do not forget: in the day only 24 hours and the need to invest time and what is valuable to you.
What to do? Analyze what you spend most of the time and if you have enough energy on what really matters to you. If not, try to set a small goal and tasks that will bring you back to life in harmony with your values.
5. You can not set boundaries
Inability to set boundaries (for example, you can not refuse a friend, who constantly asks to borrow, or are afraid to make it clear to her mother in law / mother-in that we should not interfere in your marriage) does not lead to anything good. Allowing others to violate your personal space, you will sooner or later feel in your heart is increased resentment against them.
What to do? Do not let others use you and go beyond certain limits. Accept the fact that sometimes your position may bring someone from themselves. But fear not: as a rule, these small conflicts are exhausted as quickly as arise. Over time you will find that defend their rights and boundaries are not as scary as you thought.
It is impossible to feel strong and satisfied with life, when all the power go out, to please others. But there is good news: in order to start taking care of myself and listen to their needs, the resolution of other people do not need.
For details, see. On the website edition Psychology Today.